Lies I Told Myself
by kaja1234
Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. On Hiatus.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself  
**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

thinking

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics'

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV **(if unspecified, it's automatically Naruto)

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Alright mates, here's another story I shouldn't be writing but I'm doing it anyway to break up monotony and try a new style without messing up the decentness of my other stories. Naruto's very polite in this fic, he's not hyperactive or anything. He may seem a bit sadistic later on, this is normal. And yes, the prologue is very short, I am aware. The next chapter will be posted quickly. Hopefully sometime today.

**Prologue**

:Unknown:

_Day Ninety-Three, Month Four, Year Nine_

I only eat as a necessity, not a pleasure. Food is far too scarce here for such luxuries. Actually, now that I think of it, I don't know how long I've been here, in this putrid wasteland without human contact. Somewhere in the vicinity of four to five years starting tommorrow I believe. Who knows?

Oh well, it doesn't matter really. The majority of humans I knew did nothing worthwhile for me while they were alive. My female teammate was always on my back about something or another, always fawning over my male teammate and never trying to better herself until it was too late. My male teammate never grew out of his dickheadedness, even after I had succeeded our captain and become his superior.

No respect, he still had the nerve to look upon me, the man who was so obviously his better, like I was a common household pest. My teacher was no better, lazy pervert that he was, but alas, I disgress. The past can be dwelled on as I tell you exactly how I came to be in this godforsaken hellhole. It all started when I was a baby...


	2. This Way To The Great Egress

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV**

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Next chapter is here, quickly, quickly, read my friends! Also, the story will switch between past and present tense frequently. If my idea goes the way I want it then the chapters will be switching as well. It shouldn't be too confusing. Also, in canon, Anko would've been 18 when Naruto was 6, not 16. And I'm aware that somehow he always ends up six in my fics, I don't know why, its just convenient.

* * *

Fear not fair maiden  
I only want those  
Of pure heart  
Be calm my dear

Farewell fair maiden  
I fear your heart is  
Too pure for you  
And not pure enough for me

_Knaji_

* * *

**Chapter One: This Way To The Great Egress  
**

:Numerous places:

My childhood was nothing to write home about. I never knew a mother's love or a father's tough love, never had any siblings, hell, I never even had friends to run with. No, instead, my earliest memory was waking up in a crib, cold, wet and hungry, but I didn't cry, no, not I. I simply observed. I watched as the caretaker came into the nusery, tending to every other child there before turning to leave. (She didn't know it at the time, but she would be first on my list.) I decided to make a bit of noise then, I didn't enjoy laying there in my own filth, mind you, no, not at all. The woman had sighed, turning to me and changing my diaper while managing to stay as far away as possible and touch me little. She placed me back in my crib none too gently with a blanket and a bottle. Mind you, I was only a few weeks old at this time, how she expected me to hold the bottle by myself was beyond my underdeveloped mind. However, thanks to my tenant, filled with righteous anger and power, I immediately gained the mental capacity to grasp onto and drink from the bottle at only four weeks old. That was one of the many milestones I reached before the other children.

This treatment continued until I was toilet trained and then I was left to my own devices. I decided to begin reading. I now know that I was influenced by my tenant, but that's not important now. I read everything I could get my hands on. Recipes, books, magazines, newspapers, it didn't matter. I'd get my hands on paper from the Office and sneak back to my room, writing on them with crayon. I started with simple words like 'cat' or 'dog', but within a month or two I could correctly spell and understand words as complicated as 'floccinaucinihilipilification'. I'll bet you don't even know what that means, do you? I didn't think so. Once I was finally kicked out of the orphanage (it was inevitable really), at six no less, the nerve! Sarutobi found me sleeping outside the Hokage Tower the next morning.

"Naruto-kun?" he had asked, tilting his oversized hat to shield his face from the light of the rising sun as he looked down at me inquisitively. "What are you doing lying out here? Did you get locked out again?"

I smiled and shook my head, effectively cutting off the tirade about the caretakers that would've followed.

"No, Sarutobi-sama, the caretakers decided that I was no longer in need of their care." I replied, my voice soft. "Mind you, I am quite glad. I was not enjoying learning colors and how to add zero to zero when I can name the entire wave spectrum and devise jutsu theory that defeat the purpose of hand signs and limit the over usage of chakra."

I'd decided long ago that I liked this elder, not only because he didn't begrudge me my existence, but mainly because he was kind. Kindness was rare among humans these days, my tenant told me, and I saw the truth in these words more and more each day. I strove to be as polite as possible when dealing with people, it would not due to anger someone with bad manners. I watch as Sarutobi sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. He knew what I spoke was the truth, I could tell, maybe he'd finally let me bypass the academy like I'd asked him two years ago.

"Well, that is unfortunate Naruto-kun. I had hoped they would not be as pig-headed as everyone else, especially since you are an orphan as well, but I can see that is not the case." he leans down to ruffle my hair and I smile, he was the only person in this filthy village allowed to touch me. "Come along then Naruto-kun. I don't doubt your ability to care for yourself, but with the random attempts on your life it would put my mind at ease to know that you are in a home with a qualified ninja."

I nod as he takes my hand and we walk into the Tower and up to his office. I ended up falling asleep on the couch while he finished filing some paperwork, only waking up when someone nudged me. I jerk away violently by reflex, mentally restraining myself from lashing out. This was not Sarutobi's gentle touch.

"It's alright Naruto-kun." I calm as his deep voice washes over me. "I didn't know she would attempt to awaken you, I apologize."

I open my eyes, looking in the direction of his voice to meet his eyes and nodding. The sun was up fully now, judging by the position it was a little past nine in the morning, glancing around the room I notice a young woman with purple hair and brown eyes, possibly sixteen or so, standing a little ways from the couch I lay on.

"Naruto, this is Mitarashi Anko, she will be your new caretaker. Is that alright with you?"

I stand up, immediately bowing to the young woman.

"A pleasure to meet you, Mitarashi-san. I hope that we can be civil towards one another." I murmur, taking her hand in mine and kissing it lightly.

Anko smiles, chuckling a bit as she looks down at me.

"Alright, Anko?" Sarutobi asks her, holding out a file and she takes it with a firm nod.

"Hai, Hokage-sama. I'll be back to deliver my final report later today."

Sarutobi nods, his gaze following us as we walk out the door.

I follow behind her warily as we step out into the streets, memorizing the twists and turns we take in case I ever feel the need to run away...or have to. We soon arrive at a old building, not decrepit enough to abandon but not truly nice enough to have to live in either, at least from the outside.

"Alright kid, here's a key." she hands me a small metal key and continues. "I live on the fifth floor, number twenty-five. Hokage-sama informed me that I might be taking you in close to a week ago so everything is in order, your room, clothes and everything is set up. I'm getting a monthly stipend to take care of you so if you feel there's anything you need tell me. I'll be back later, there's food in the fridge, don't touch anything with a red dot on it."

I nodded, bowing as politely as I could and made my way inside the building. I heard Anko murmur 'weird kid' before she 'poofed' out.

_Whatever, weird is good._ I thought, making my way up the stairs. I glanced around the stairwell as I climbed, the inside looked a bit better than the outside I supposed, everything could use a fresh coat of paint, preferably something other than this detestable shade of pastel green. I finally hit the fifth floor and stepped out into the hall, shaking my head at the lack of light as I look for number twenty-five.

_Ah, here it is.  
_

I open the door and slip inside, looking for the light switch and clicking it on. I slip off my boots (yet another birthday gift from Sarutobi, dark green of course) and step into the living room, looking around, I take note of the things with red dots on them and roll my eyes.

Weapons.

Everything from kunai to kusarigama to katana. Of course, she thought I was a foolish child. I'd have to show her how mistaken she was. All in due time, but for now, I was quite hungry. I made my way towards the refrigerator.

:Five minutes later:

_Ugh, what in the nine levels of Dante's Hell is this excrement?  
_

It was almost as disgusting as the caretakers cooking. These...ah what are they called again? Ah, yes, ramen noodles. It seems I would have to cook for myself, lest I starve. Luckily there was fresh fish and seaweed in the refrigerator. Upon further exploration I managed to find rice in the cupboard, some pickled daikon radish in the fridge and some miso soup stock as well. I cursed my short stature as I pulled the step stool over to the stove, stepped up and rolled up my sleeves, getting to work.

"Tadaima!" I hear Anko call as she comes into the house.

"Okaerinasai! I am in the kitchen Mitarashi-san." I call out in reply, continuing to set the table and lay out food as she comes in, I look up to see the shock on her face and smile. "I didn't like the noodles, ramen tastes bad to me, so I made lunch. Please, sit down and enjoy yourself."

"How...how? Y-you can...?"

"Cook? Of course Mitarashi-san, I read numerous recipes while I was at the orphanage, it was a very natural thing to apply it once I was around the proper food. Please...sit." I tell her quietly as I pour the tea, waiting until she has seated herself and begins putting food on her plate before taking my own seat.

"Itadakimasu." I murmur and she replies in turn, picking up her chopsticks and taking a tentative bite. I watch as delight spreads across her face and she begins to eat in earnest. "I am glad you like it Mitarashi-san."

Anko nods in appreciation as I take a few bits of food from the spread and eat my fill, soon finishing and going to put my dishes in the sink.

"Mitarashi-san?" I ask, the woman looking up. "Since I cooked, is it not fair to say that you will wash the dishes?"

She nods, continuing to eat.

"Arigatou, now, if you will excuse me, I must go and visit Hokage-sama."

I slip quietly out the door, locking it behind me and heading down the stairs and out of the building.

* * *

Anaki: We forgot to do a commentary in the ridiculously short prologue which some reviewer actually said was 'too long', pfft.

RC16: But you did learn you're being mocked on ED.

Anaki: Yep, and it's as funny as hell, I love having ten dicks! Whoo! They wave in anger! Lmao.

RC16: Well, ppl, you've seen it, I am officially the only sane one here.

RC17: HEY! What about me?

RC16: I think the fact that you just blew out one of my ear drums proves me correct, dear sister. Ow...

RC17: Oops, I'm sorry! -throws him a roll of bandages- Review ppl, we know ya'll prefer Story Alert to typing, but we'd love to see some feedback!


	3. Such A Nice Boy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

* * *

******  
Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

******POV**

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: I'm setting my own record, lol. Never have I enjoyed writing a story so much that I write three subsequent chapters in such a short time period.

* * *

You are one  
I've grown to love  
But I cannot  
For fear that you  
Do not

Au revoir  
Meine liebe  
мы не  
Meet again

_Knaji_

* * *

******Chapter Two: Such A Nice Boy**

:Hokage Tower:

I was good at persuading people, this was something I'd learned young when I had no trouble convincing the young woman that ran the best grocery stall in Konohagakure to sell me some of her best produce at half price. Never mind the fact that she hated me. I didn't mind of course, she was simply the third on my list, right next to the Hokage's secretary who actually had the audacity to attempt to poison me with a cookie. Foolish, foolish woman. I hadn't reported her, I'd deal with her myself later.

I was seven now and a genin, having graduated the Academy the exact year I entered it, something that was apparently unheard of in the history of the village, I had to actually wait three more months for the other children to finish so I could be assigned to a team, it was irksome. I myself wasn't surprised about graduating so early.They weren't teaching anything worthwhile in that facility, the practical bits were useful, but everything else was rubbish. I already knew every pressure point, every bone and every organ in the human body. I knew what happened when each one began to fail, wether or not it could be treated outside of a hospital or not, how to create a tourniquet from things found in a forest, which was most often a stick and the skin of a recently killed snake. I knew how to manage a broken bone, how to walk or run without putting much more pressure on it and wearing away the broken ends to a point where it can't be healed. I knew how to force chakra into a person's system, how much it took to paralyze them, how much to knock them out, how much to kill them.

Thanks to my jutsu theory I developed and perfected last year in the academy, I knew how to use little to almost no chakra in ninja techniques that would drain a normal person to their limits. I could fire a _Gogyougufuu_ with the amount of chakra you would use to stick a leaf to your forehead. It was all about the manipulation, not the amount. By cooling the air in the ring of your fingers, making a ball from the small amount of chakra inside your mouth and cooling the outside of it while heating the inside to near molten levels and blowing hard, you can easily create the fire tornado on a much larger scale and hotter than magma. I actually tested it on a boulder a while back and there wasn't much left except what appeared to be some form of black glass. I made a very beautiful drop pendant out of it and gave it to Anko as congratulations for her new rank as a Special Jounin, I haven't seen her take it off yet.

I was stepping out of our apartment now, having just eaten lunch, and was headed to our team's training grounds. As I was dubbed "the Rookie of the Year", foolish title really, for having the top scores in my class. Thus, I was partnered with an average student and the lowest ranking child. I didn't see the logic in this particular system, they would all end up dead because of the lack of balance between them. I hoped to advance to Chunin rank quickly before any of us got killed in a mission.

"Konnichiwa Uzumaki-san!" my teammate calls out to me with a slight smile as I approach Training Ground Seventy-Three. Her name is Sono Saiko, she has dark red hair, bright green eyes and always wore a heavy _Kusarigama_ on her back with the chain wrapped around her waist. I didn't know why, it didn't look like it'd be terribly effective in battle.

"Konnichiwa Sono-san, I trust you had a good lunch? Am I very late?"

"Yes I did, thank you. No, you're not, Sensei sent a message and said she'd be a few minutes late, here comes Ronin-san though."

I nod in reply, turning to look at my other teammate. Ronin Hiroshi was a disowned member of the Hyuuga clan (hence his surname) for having a genetic defect which didn't allow him to activate the clan bloodline. He has blue eyes, short messy black hair, and was the lowest ranking child in our year. He always attempts to pick a fight with me because not only am I several years younger then him, I'm also the Rookie of the Year, and he doesn't feel like I deserve that. I didn't mind though, he's good practice if I ever have to battle a brain-dead Iwa ninja.

"Uzumaki! Fight me!" he yells, not even greeting our female teammate before rushing me head on. I lean slightly to my left and catch his arm, using his own momentum to flip him over easily and place a stick to his throat in lieu of drawing a kunai.

"Good afternoon to you too, Ronin-san. I trust you had a good lunch?" I ask quietly, he scoffs and pushes the stick away, standing up and rushing me once more. I sigh, repeating my earlier actions with ease and crouching down to look into his face. "Rushing your opponent with no form leaves you open, Ronin-san, since you are attacking one such as myself, I recommend keeping your arms close until the last moment and then striking."

"Fuck your advice Uzumaki. I'm gonna kick your ass!" Hiroshi says and leans up to spit into my face, I recoil in disgust and he punches me hard in the chest, making me lose my balance and fall backwards into a tree. He follows me and continues heavily punching any part he can reach before wrapping his fingers around my throat and squeezing as hard as possible while bashing my head into the tree trunk, his knees grinding down into my hands to hold me down. I can hear Saiko screaming at him to stop before he kills me, I started to see spots in my vision and I was just about to pass out but then I hear a poof and his weight is removed, although not before he gets a good hard kick into my groin.

I gasp in pain, falling on my side, trying to resist the urge to curl into a ball and failing. I would have to start maintaining my chakra armor at all times now it would seem. I try and take in a deep breath and wince, he'd broken at least two of my ribs and bruised three more in his assault. I was dizzy from lack of oxygen and would likely pass out at any point.

"Uzumaki-kun! Uzumaki-kun, you must not fall asleep!" someone tells me, Mamoru-sensei I think, shaking my shoulder. I nod, trying to sit up and falling back again, she catches me but I jerk away and almost fall again. "Uzumaki-kun, you must not fall asleep! I think you have a concussion! Can you hear me?!"

I nod, struggling to keep my eyes open, but I was just so tired. That was common in a serious head injury. Mamoru Midori was our sensei, she was a recently indoctrined Jounin and very caring about her new genin team. She wouldn't last long in a fight at the moment, maybe after a few more years of heavy training.

I was beginning to to feel nauseous and my head was pounding. I close my eyes with a wince, turning my face away from the sun.

"Please do not touch me...Mamoru-sensei..." I slur and she lays me against a tree, apologizing and saying that she forgot.

"He's faking, that little bastard is fine." I hear Hiroshi grumble, I mentally smile, I'd just found the fourth person on my list.

"Be silent Ronin Hiroshi! You are already in enough trouble for harming your own teammate outside of a sanctioned spar!" Midori yells at him and I halfway hear someone else crouching beside me.

"What do you want me to do Sensei?" Saiko asks as I am awakened once more with a light slap to the side of my face, I growl in the back of my throat. Honestly, if one more person touched me without permission I was going to bite them, no matter how barbaric that sounds. The light hurt too much, I couldn't keep my eyes open.

"Help Uzumaki-kun to the hospital while I take Ronin-san to the Hokage." Midori tells Saiko as she poofs away. Saiko leans over to help me up and I immediately sink my teeth into her hand. Not hard enough to draw blood mind you, but hard enough to warn her.

"Ouch! Uzumaki-kun?!" she screeches, not helping the ringing in my ears one bit. I could hardly focus on her words as she asked if I was alright. No, I most certainly was not. I felt like I was going to throw up. Damn that child to the ninth layer of Dante's Hell.

"Please do...not touch me and...please do not...scream...I will...I will get to the hospital...on...on my own..." I manage to slur out, attempting to stand and succeeding. I manage to get about five or so steps before sinking to the ground, colored lights dancing quickly beneath my eyelids as I arch back in pain. I hear Saiko scream as I curl up and lose complete control of my body, which begins to shake and writhe uncontrollably.

* * *

Anaki: I actually enjoy writing this!

RC16: That's new? Don't you enjoy writing your others?

Anaki: Yep, but this is fresh, it's like a freshly caught fish, exhilarating.

RC16: Only you'd compare fanfics to food.

Anaki: Well duh, I'm gonna be a chef.

RC16: -sigh-

RC17: Lol, review people!


	4. An Eventful Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

* * *

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV**

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: As you can see, Naruto is a genius but nowhere close to infallible. He can and will get his ass kicked quite often until a certain point, it serves to humble and force him to come up with new ways to prevent the same thing from happening again.

* * *

Something's here

But you cannot see it

Insanity rules

This realm

But

Sadly

I

Do not

_Knaji_

* * *

**Chapter Three: An Eventful Day**

:Konoha Hospital:

I'd never enjoyed hospitals. They always smelled like old people and antiseptic. Believe me, it wasn't terribly pleasing to awaken surrounded by strange machinery with every bit of skin on my hands and arms pricked with IV needles. This was really only the second time I'd ended up in this place, I healed rather quickly thanks to my tenant, actually, it wouldn't surprise me if I was already in quite fit health. Ah, but I digress. The first time I was here it was because I had fallen from the top of the Monument. 'Fallen' is used quite lightly here, moreso I was thrown or pushed. I don't really remember, I was four at the time and deeply engrossed in a book. Never even heard them come up behind me. Luckily or unluckily, however you choose to view it depending on your bias, I landed on a villager. They ended up with an injured back for their troubles and I with a broken collarbone and left arm after they threw me off their balcony to the ground three stories below. I was healed in a day or so while Sarutobi caught the people who did it and reprimanded the rude villager so all was fine. The only thing that made me enjoy the hospital was a particular nurse by the name of Shihiru Aki. She was a former farm girl from the Southern parts of Hi No Kuni and had the build, green eyes, sun bleached blonde hair and dialect to prove it. She was a joy to be around and was always slipping me little treats or books to read, she was also the only one in that hospital, besides Doctor Kotimo, that I trusted in the slightest.

I suppose that's why I didn't paralyze her permanently with a straw when she woke me up that morning with a glass of ice cold water...to the face.

"Ow! Damn it Uzumaki, what the hell is wrong wit' you?" Aki grumbles at me from her place on the floor, having collapsed there after I hit a pressure point on her stomach. Luckily for both of us, I was still slightly weak from the attack two days ago and couldn't do much in the way of strength.

I tip my head in a slight bow and watch the water run down my hair to puddle in my lap as she regains the use of her legs with a bit of medical jutsu and stands.

"I apologize Shihiru-san, however, you should never splash a trained killer with ice water while they are sleeping and expect them not to react accordingly." I murmur, raising my head to look at her. I wince as she grins and claps me on the back, hard, rubbing a towel over my head quickly to dry it. That hurt, I swear sometimes this woman didn't know her own strength.

"Psh, trained killer my foot Uzumaki! You still a genin, ain't nothing gone be 'trained' or 'killer' 'bout you 'til ya hit Chunin!" she replies jovially, motioning for me to stay still as she takes the three IV needles from my arm. "An' I told you to call me Aki, none of that Shihiru-san junk, ya hear? Makes me feel old."

I nod again as she removes the heart monitor from my chest. The sudden flatline is an interesting sound that a patient hooked to it doesn't hear often, of course, they wouldn't want to, because that would mean that the Shinigami is quite near.

"Well boy, yer good t' go! All healed up an' pretty again, not the mess you were when they brought ya in. You know youse was turning a really pretty shade of periwinkle blue?" she booms, laughing at her own joke as I let a small smile cross my features. "Innywho, as per hospital procedure, I hafta take you out in a wheelchair, so get dressed while I go an' find one."

She steps outside the door, leaving me to struggle into my favorite blue shirt, coming back in about ten minutes later with a wheelchair and a man carrying a box under his arm trailing behind her. Kotimo Sosuke was an interesting man, he was anything but a standard doctor with his bright green hair, purple tinted glasses, and barbell piercings through his nose. He was sarcastic, witty and generally an asshole when you didn't know him. Mind you, once you got to know him, he was quite...eccentric, still an asshole though and blind as a bat without his glasses.

"Hey Uzumaki-'san', had enough of picking on my best nurse?" he asks with a grin, I can't help but smirk in reply.

"Believe me Kotimo-san, I have had enough of this entire hospital. Bedrest is unpleasant."

Sosuke laughs, Aki helping me into the wheelchair. He plops the box in my lap and goes around to grab the handles of the chair, Aki following beside me as he pushes me out of the room and down the hall to a waiting Anko at a sedate pace.

Aki bends down to hug me and I try my hardest not to pull away. I would think of this as training, I'd force myself to become used to touch. Sosuke smiles and pats me on the shoulder.

"Now we don't wanna see yew back here fo' a good while, ya hear kid?"

I nod at Aki, Sosuke nodding in agreement to her words as he pushes me outside, Anko coming over to help me from the wheelchair.

:Konoha Streets:

"Well kid, thanks to you getting your ass beat I've been stuck eating ramen for two days straight. To my dismay I've found that 'nothing' compares to your cooking and that it's quite addictive." Anko tells me as we walk the route to our apartment building.

I crack a slight smirk at her words, nodding.

"I would be delighted to make breakfast for you Mitarashi-san. I do hope you have a taste for Portobello Omelets and strong Juran Country coffee today." I tell her as we ascend the staircase and go out on our floor. The breakfast idea didn't just come off the top of my head, it was apparently very popular in Southern Hi No Kuni, Aki had given me a recipe book to read while I was incapacitated. She told me that the trick was to add mint leaves to the coffee grounds as they brewed.

"Sounds wonderful, anything besides coffee and 'shrooms that I'll need to pick up while you get settled?" she asks, opening the apartment door and ushering me inside.

"Hai, please get a few packages of cinnamon, sage, and curry spice as we are running quite low I believe. Also, pick up a small container of milk and a medium sized wedge of spiced white cheese." I tell her, she nods, shutting the door while I walk over to the dining room table to examine the contents of my present, finding the aforementioned recipe book, as well as a summoning scroll and three medical scrolls that I'd never seen before.

_Hm, Makyuu Ookami Summon, Using Medical Chakra Offensively, Living and Dead Chakra: Creation and Their Uses, and Breakthrough: A Way To Live Forever?. _

Interesting, seems Sosuke and Aki weren't just your standard medics after all. I already had their trust it seems, now all I needed to do was keep it. I believe they'll be coming to dinner sometime next week, in fact, I'd go and pen a quick letter right now.

:Court Room:

After breakfast, to my great annoyance, I was bade to go down to the village courts so as to bear witness and press charges against my former teammate. Apparently the standard charge for attacking and fatally injuring your teammate to the point of incapacitation was death, as it was considered a form of treason, but with my 'unique' healing ability, the Council and Sarutobi couldn't quite decide wether to kill Hiroshi, strip him of his rank or simply probation him, so they left it up to me. I looked at it from an impersonal angle, yes, he had severely injured me, but that in turn had gotten me some very valuable scrolls and the trust of two of the most powerful medics Konohagakure No Sato had seen since Senju Tsunade herself. On the other hand...he 'had' severely injured me, I could be in a coma that I would never awaken from right now.

_What do you think tenant?_

I listen for a bit, mentally nodding at it's suggestion, smiling on the outside.

"I have a suggestion, is it possible for me to own him? Perhaps as a permanent servant?" I ask, ignoring Hiroshi's bewildered glare from his bound position in the chair at the center of the room.

The Council and Sarutobi's shocked faces don't phase me in the slightest as I sit back and wait for their approval. Jin Homura, one of the defunct leaders of the Civilian Council and a retired shinobi, speaks up first after rifling through a large tome of laws.

"There's no law against it." she frowns, shutting the book and nodding. "I will approve."

One by one the Civilian Council and the Hokage approve the vote, leaving the Clan Council to break the tie.

"Normally it would be disgraceful for a Hyuuga to be a mere servant to one outside his clan, but he is not a true Byakugan user as well as disowned, thus, I approve." Hyuuga Hiashi states, looking down at Hiroshi with something akin to disgust. I close one eye in confusion, pondering Hiashi's words, the other scanning the remaining members of the Clan Council.

Yamanaka Inoshi, a mind jutsu user and member of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

Hyuuga Hiashi, user of the Jyuuken arts and Byakugan.

Nara Shikaku, user of the Shadow Manipulation jutsu and deer herder, also a member of the famous trio.

Aburame Shibi, user of bug related jutsu, has a hive of bugs stored in his body that feed off chakra.

Inuzuka Tsume, user of nin dogs and beast related jutsu.

Akimichi Chouza, user of the Body Size jutsu, makes medicine using the filed antler powder of the deer the Nara Clan raises, final member of the famous trio.

Uchiha Fugaku, user of the Sharingan and fire jutsu.

They all agree to my proposal and the boy is pulled from the chair by his shackles, the ones around his feet being loosened slightly so that he can walk. One of the waiting interrogation squad members brings him over to me, placing the long chain to the shackles in my hand as I turn to bow to the Council and Sarutobi.

"Arigato, are there any rules regarding treatment that I should be made aware of?" I ask, clasping my hands behind my back and ignoring Hiroshi's angry mutterings.

Sarutobi shakes his head, an unrecognizable emotion in his eyes. I hoped it wasn't disappointment, I couldn't bear for him to be disappointed in my actions.

"We turn a blind eye to what people do with their property. You can rename him and do whatever else you like as long as it's not in public. Any alterations, bruises, wounds or anything else of that kind upon your servant will be treated as though they were always there." Here Sarutobi stops, closing his eyes with a sigh. "Anything that you do cannot legally be put against you because he is your property."

I nod, gesturing for Hiroshi to follow me as I exit the courtroom.

:Anko's Apartment:

It was quite some time before we actually got back to Anko's, having had to stop by the Sealing Hall and have subserviant seals placed on Hiroshi as well as go by the market to pick up a bushel of large Granny Smith apples and some flour for a pie recipe I wanted to try tommorrow. I had taken the shackles off of the elder boy, he was currently carrying the apples and flour while I dug out the key to the apartment and let us in. Anko was out on a dango and sake run, while she was convinced I could cook everything else to perfection, she had grown accustomed to her third and seventh night runs. I couldn't complain, those were the days I didn't have to cook. Not that I didn't enjoy it mind you, but it was quite nice to have a break. I motion for Hiroshi to put his burden on the kitchen table and he frowns, but does as I ask. He didn't have much of a choice actually. The seals placed on him were tuned to my chakra signature alone, any order I gave had to be acquiesced to as quickly as possible, lest he suffer the consequences of insubordination. I was also quite able to activate the failsafe on a whim, I figured I would have plenty of time to teach this ignorant child the meaning of vengeance.

"I am changing your name, Hiroshi-san." I tell him, gesturing for him to sit at the table, he does so with great reluctance, glaring daggers at me. I returned his gaze unflinchingly, also, to those of you who wonder why I still talk to him with respect. It is only my nature to keep the suffix, I am nothing if not polite you see. "You may glare all you like, but henceforth from this day you will be called Jikken Dai." **1 **

Dai's eyes go wide in shock as he processes the meaning of the name, lunging at me with his hands outstretched, presumably in another attempt to asphyxiate me. We shall never know however, since I decided at that exact moment to test the effects of his seal.

"Ireru." **2**

His eyes go wide as he stops in his tracks, dropping to the floor like a sack of potatoes as he arches his back in a similar way to a live carp just chopped in half on a cutting board. He writhes in was I assume is pain, beginning to clutch at his throat and head where I can see the seals glowing an interesting shade of whitish blue. He looks up at me as I calmly grab the handle of the broom, starting to sweep the kitchen floor, and gasps out a plea for me to cease the actions of the subservient seals.

"Kai." I murmur, stopping the seals effects. Dai gasps, curling up like a pillbug for a moment before shakily getting to his feet. I poke him with the broom stick. "Also, your form was incorrect once again. You left your entire body open, I could've injured you in thirty different ways before you even broke my field. Now, Dai-san, if you please, finish sweeping the floor, I have something to attend to. Once you're finished, come directly to my room, which is the second door on the left across from the bathroom, and do not touch anything along the way. Understood?"

He nods, taking the broom out of my hands and beginning his task as I make my way down the hall. I needed to prepare the room I had set up. I had decided to start my tests earlier than planned, since I had gotten ahold of Dai and could legally do anything I wished to him and not be indicted. I had begun experimenting with expanding and shaping the storage space inside of scrolls to my will when I was four. None of the caretakers at the orphanage could ever figure out exactly what had happened to John, the boy who used to annoy me the most. He was the first of my experiments within the storage space, he turned out so warped from the treatment that I had no choice but to kill him. I believe his bones are out in the forest somewhere still, assuming something else hasn't come along in three years and eaten those as well. Dai would be a suitable candidate for what I wanted to undertake now, it would be interesting to see how his system would react to my tenant's chakra.

Maybe...I could even activate his bloodline...

* * *

**_Notes of the Footed Kind_**

1. 'Jikken Dai' (_jikkendai_) is a japanese term meaning 'experiment or test subject'.

2. Ireru means 'to turn on'.

* * *

Anaki: -wonders if anyone finds the title of the chapters familiar-

RC16: Probably not, you know they're slow.

Anaki: Yep, you're right

RC16: Of course I am.

Anaki: Not always.

RC16: -sigh-

RC17: Always sighing big brother! Review everyone!


	5. Little Done, Much Gained

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

** Lies I Told Myself**

* * *

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

thinking

"talking"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV**

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: I didn't know Konoha allowed slavery either, my hands type what they want, you see. This chapter will mark the start of something terribly interesting. As I have stated in all the fics I've written so far, **if you are squeamish, easily sickened, bigoted or just plain stupid, then you may want to stop reading now because it's gonna get gory in a few chapters. Capische?** No, you probably don't, but act like you do. I see any comments complaining about it, when I warn you at least twice in the chapter, then it'll promptly be ignored/deleted. Don't like it? Don't review, 'cause you might just get a reply, and it might not be nice. Just go on your merry way, won't stop me from writing. Now enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Honestly  
What do you see?  
There's a plane crash there  
Underneath time bridge

I don't know  
Cannot see  
It becomes me  
Blindness

_Knaji_

* * *

** Chapter Four: Little Done, Much Gained  
**

:Training Ground Forty-Four:

I didn't know exactly where Saiko was, in fact, I hadn't seen her since she'd tried to help me to the hospital and I'd bitten her. Oh well, I didn't neccessarily want anyone to see what I was about to attempt, much less see the scroll I was using. The summoning of these 'wolves' would be a bit unorthodox it seemed. As per the scrolls instruction I drew the summoning circle in the center of the clearing I was in, cutting open my wrist with a kunai and letting the specified amount of blood fall around me in another circle. Instead of simply pooling in the middle, my blood is absorbed by the circle, turning it a vibrant red.

I take a couple of deep breaths, centering myself for the summoning I'm about to undertake as I ready a Katon Ryuuka in the pit of my stomach. I cool the outside around it to almost a subzero point, heating the inside to near molten levels and then adding another warm layer on the outside so as to not frostbite my insides. I form a ring with my fingers, cooling some chakra within it, beginning to inhale slowly. I let my chest expand with air before putting my fingers to my mouth and blowing a steady stream of air through them while spinning the ball of chakra in my stomach into yarn and letting the 'string' follow my breath out of my body to create heat, which I let engulf the area of the seal around me. Luckily, I had found out that my body was naturally in tune with things of a heat based nature, my tenant said it was because of it and I had confirmed that after holding the handle of a hot pan Anko had accidentally tipped over when she was walking past the stove.

Sorry, I digress, after I finished the flames I was supposed to simply summon the wolf clan leader, so I kneeled to put my hand in the center of the seal.

"Kuchiyose No Jutsu."

The sky immediately darkened and everything seemed to stop in that moment as flames, seal, blood and even the scroll itself were 'eaten' by some sort of terribly large creature with gleaming red eyes. I can't say I was scared, but I was quite wary. This wasn't a world where you could afford not to be, I didn't know what this creature was capable of. Although a note within the scroll had expressed the dire need for utmost respect. That wouldn't be a problem, at least not for me.

The creature came to rest in a circle around me, the sky lightening so I can see what exactly is breathing into my face and I instinctively take a step back in reflex. The thing that surrounded me resembled a wolf in face and quadropedal tendencies only, that was where the similarities ended. It was very large, gargantuan even, in size. I'd say it was almost fifty or more feet in height and I still do not have a width estimate. It had wide, bright red eyes, four of them in fact, two on each side of its head. The creature's breath was abhorrent but I bore it, no need to show disrespect and be eaten. I had to much to do and little time to do it in, it would do me no good to fight my way from a beast's stomach and end up in an unknown world.

It opened it's mouth to yawn and I could see endless rows of sharp teeth for miles. It was covered in a strange mixture of scales and fur with the tail ending in spiked barbs. The feet were more reptilian than canine and the ears resembled a cross between a folding fan and a beagle's ear. I kneel in front of it's face, carefully keeping my eyes locked with it's own in a show of respect as I lower my head.

"Konnichiwa, Ookami-sama. My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I humbly request leave to summon your servants in return for any service you may request of myself or my servant." I state to the creature, watching as it stares unblinkingly into my own eyes and snorting.

"Nani?" I repress the urge to cover my ears and nose. Its voice was rough, almost like scraping crumpled tin foil over a chalkboard in a futile attempt to drown out a yowling cat, the breath reeked like a tomb of dead skunks left unopened for years. Putrid. "Why should I let you, scrawny human, summon any of us hellhounds as you wish? What could you or your servant do, that would benefit any of us? Much less myself?"

I keep myself on the ground, shaking my head slowly. I had to go about this carefully, lest I be eaten.

"I do not know Ookami-sama. Humans cannot provide much to greater beings such as yourselves, but I would hope that we would be able to provide some sort of service to you if need be. If only that service be allowing you to roam our plain of existence for as long as you like." I murmur, hoping that will appease the beast in front of me.

The great wolf-like creature tilts its head, one claw idly scratching the ground before it closes its eyes. I didn't know it at that moment, but it had felt the presence of my tenant.

"So be it, Uzumaki Naruto." it says, leaning its great head over my shoulder and opening its maw wide before clamping down, surprising me. I feel the immediate effects of a strange venom taking over my system and slump unceremoniously to the ground, paralyzed. "Should you survive this, you will be able to summon any of us as you will it. No repayment will be necessary, the feeling we will get from your pain will be sufficient."

The creature disappears silently, with no smoke or distortion, and I manage to curl myself into a ball before beginning to scream.

* * *

It was three days before I awoke again and two more days until I could gather the strength to walk out of the forest. Every nerve running through my body screamed in agony, but I managed to get back home before collapsing on the porch. I presumed that I was found by Anko or Dai, because the next time I awoke I was in my room, Anko sitting beside me with the paper in hand.

" 'Bout damn time you woke up gaki, what the hell were you doing to get like that? Kotimo and Aki came over an' checked you out, said you were sufferin' from severe exhaustion and that your own chakra had fried your nervous system. Said you're lucky you have your tenant or you wouldn't be moving right now."

I frown, attempting to sit up and gasping as pain shoots down my spine but managing to swing my legs over the side of the bed. Anko eyes me with worry in her eyes, but I shake my head.

"I am fine. Thank you Mitarashi-san." I reply, masking the pain I know should be in my voice and purposely ignoring her question as I motion for her to stand. "Now, if you will please excuse me, I would like to take a shower and change from these soiled clothes. I am sorry to say that I will not be able to cook tonight, I hope you do not mind."

I nod as she shakes her head and leaves. I go and take a shower, putting on a pair of old jeans and a shirt, pulling an apron on over my clothes and calling Dai in. He comes in, a frown across his features. I supposed he had been eating, there were some crumbs around his mouth.

"Hello Dai-san. How are you?"

He scoffs, not replying. I just smile, taking down a scroll.

"I hope your health is well." I say and pause, thinking. "You'll need it."

* * *

I was actually quite ecstatic at the results of my first test on Jikken Dai, his body reacted prefectly as I wished, absorbing my tenant's demonic chakra with little effort. I'd taken the time to strap him to the table and remove his former eyes from their sockets, my tenant's chakra quickly filling the holes with new eyeballs. I wasn't aware if he'd screamed or not, the removal of his vocal chords the first thing I had done. It was only temporary, later, after I'd replaced them, he'd proceeded to curse me to the ends of Hell. He didn't even thank me for giving him the ability to activate his bloodline. Oh well.

I release him from the bindings, bidding him to send chakra to his new eyes. He grudgingly does so, the lavender of the Byakugan taking over for a split second before the eyes burst into a mass of blood and retinal fluid, Dai screaming soundlessly. My previous smile fades into a slight frown as I figure out what went wrong courtesy of my tenant.

"Alright, I'm not terribly surprised at the results then." I tell it, strapping Dai back onto the table, avoiding his blind punches. "So you're saying that if I intwine your chakra with my own it should work? Hm, why didn't I think of that? ...It was a rhetorical question."

I take the offered ball of chakra from my tenant, cocooning my own around it and pushing it into the test subject. Mirroring the first experiment, it forms new ocular organs and they stabilize quickly, Dai ceasing his squirming as I hold him down by the throat. I was loathe to inject him with a muscle paralyzer, lest it interfere with my experiment.

"I apologize Dai-san, I would love to give you something to numb your pain, but this experiment would be hindered greatly by your inability to feel." I tell him, watching as his eyes clear from the temporary blindness and he fixes a glare on me once more, mouth turned up as if he were about to spit. "Ah-ah-ah Dai-san, wouldn't want to be hurt, would we?"

He settles for continuing his glare as I bid him to send chakra to his eyes once more, they hold, changing into the Byakugan and settling. The bulging veins around his eyes throbbing steadily. I let a small smile make its way across my features and tell him to release the chakra. He does and his eyes fade back to their former color. Even better, now the Hyuuga clan would 'never' know what I had achieved.

"Congratualations Dai-san, you are now the unwilling owner of a set of Byakugan eyes. Aren't you just ecstatic?" I ask dryly, raising an eyebrow when he angrily gestures to his throat. "Oh, I apologize, I do need to replace those, don't I?"

* * *

**Notes of the Footed Kind  
**

* * *

Anaki: Familiar chapter titles are done.

RC16: I bet they still didn't figure it out.

Anaki: Nope.

RC16: Ha, once again I prove that chibis are superior to you humans.

Anaki: ...For now...

RC16: Muhahahaha!

RC17: ...Okay, review and ignore my insane brother...


	6. Welcome To Your Hell

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

**-  
**

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: This chapter marks the beginning of Naruto's true experiments. Konohamaru may make an appearance later and develop into a main character. I haven't decided yet. This chapter is later because my computer decided to erase the original for some reason, thus, I had to start from scratch. Also, if it looks wierd, the format, it's because the site is erasing its own lines for some reason, I am attempting to make due. For the time being, little dashes indicate a line break, kay?

-

There is sleep here

Not there

Tilt your head

To the sky

Catch drops

Upon thine cheeks

And wonder

Why they've gone

_Knaji_

_-  
_

**Chapter Six: Welcome to Your Hell**

:Laboratory:

"Do cease your screaming Dai-san. I am not able to give you pain killers or remove your vocal chords, lest your throat collapse again. You 'are' hurting my ears, you know?"

He appears to not hear me, screaming even louder, I sigh. Soon he would grow hoarse and not be able to speak for a week again, and I needed reports on his mental state. It would be quite a process. I adjust my earplugs and return to working on my 'new' assistant. An ANBU by the name of Noriko Fuji. She was quite easy to lure, even with her distaste for me, and now I had my hands on one of the most powerful members of the village. Alas, if only I could get ahold of that Nara child.

"Tenant, how long until the feed is done?" I ask quietly, severing a tendon in my captive's leg with chakra scalpels. "No, no, that's quite a good rate. Hm? Yes, he should be like yourself soon. What? No, I would never do something so barbaric. Of course, the Living Chakra is being sucked from the women as we speak."

The caretaker and the shop stall woman were there as well. Apparently women held the most Living Chakra then it was children and kittens. Not that I would ever experiment on a kitten, Kami forbid. I watched as my current experiment twitched, she must be waking up. I sigh, going and pushing Dai, who was still screaming in what must have been pain, into one of my soundproof rooms and bolting the door shut. He was soon to be finished, his skin was cracking with green light. I couldn't wait, after he shed that putrid form, then the fun could begin. I loosen my earplugs as I return to Noriko, smiling.

"Hello Noriko-san, how are you feeling?"

She glares at me, baring her teeth.

"You know good and damn well how I feel, asshole! Don't ask stupid questions!"

I frown, tilting my head to the right.

"You, my experiment, are quite rude. That's unbecoming, you're aware? It's not surprising that you, at 45, are still in ANBU. Barren? Or simply unable to get a man to take interest in you?"

"Shut the fuck up gaki! You don't know anything about me!" she replies fiercely, struggling with her bonds and the screen that seperated her upper body from her lower. Women were fragile, I couldn't have her crying because of what I'd done to her lower half. No, not yet.

"Then you're interested in women?" I ask, coming back over to her and starting to peel away the remaining skin on her legs with my chakra scalpels. She wouldn't feel it, in fact, nothing below her torso could be felt, unlike Dai, I gave her painkillers. I smile as she vehemently protests against being a lesbian. "I suppose not. Hm, that's sad. Had I not gotten ahold of you, you may have died alone and unloved. Of course, you'll still be unloved."

"You better hope to Kami I never get loose."

"Oh, don't worry Noriko-san, I don't need to hope." I murmur, screwing the steel plates into the exposed bones of her feet, the razor edges pointing downwards. I nod to myself, humming a little tune and beginning to weave and stretch her removed skin back tighter than it was before.

Noriko hadn't taken her new modifications with a smile, I couldn't see why, I would've loved to have things like that done to me. It actually looked quite fun. Hm, I could see myself with extensive modifications in the future. Her legs were bent and stretched like a horse about to kick, when she stood up straight the mechanisms in her back pulled taut against the wires and pulleys in her arms, fingers and hands, creating a puppet-like effect. It was purely for my own amusement, she was quite interesting to look at. At the moment I was watching her walk and fall periodically, trying to balance on the razor edges of the plates I'd put onto her feet. She looked to have a permanent pair of ice skates on. I'd replaced her putrid normal eyes with those of the Sharingan. Itachi had been nice enough to drop off a few pairs before he'd left the village last night to join whatever cult he'd signed on to. I didn't really care either way, I'd gotten what I needed.

Also, did I mention Saiko was killed by her father? No? Pity, she was a nice girl. Probably would've been a great experiment.

"Noriko-san, please come here. I have a task for you." I tell her watching as she reluctantly totters over to me. I neglected to mention that I'd copied Dai's seals onto her as well didn't I? I apologize.

"You're so lucky these seals are on me or I'd kick your scrawny ass, lil' fucker."

"Ireru."

I watch her writhe and scream in pain for a bit before smiling and releasing the seal's effects.

"Now, no more foul language from you, Noriko-san. It's quite unbecoming for an elderly woman such as yourself. You know? Unhealthy to get so riled up, your blood pressure would rise and those pretty eyes I just gave you could be ruined." I watch as she gets to her feet, glaring at me. "Well it's true. And then what would I do? I just 'hate' losing such a good experiment. Now, if you please, put this on."

She slips the glowing white bracelet on over her wrist, falling to the floor lifelessly soon after.

"Now, while that takes effect, I believe I'll go and check on the lovely ladies in the next room."

-

I honestly didn't see how people could be so pathetic. They were such worthless maggots, not fit to breathe the air on this equally pointless planet.

_It'll be alright._ _Soon I will cleanse everything of the filth, of the dust on it._

I sigh, placing the Living Chakra into binding rings and exiting my lab, leaving two perserved bodies and my experiments behind. Noriko, chained to the wall likes the dog she is, hisses at me as I pass and I sneer, backhanding her.

"Please learn your place, Noriko-san." I murmur, looking into her red eyes filled with hatred. "You are beneath me, as is everyone else, with the possible exception of a few. Do you really think I have a problem with removing everything that makes up yourself?"

I leer into her face.

"Do you 'really' think so, Noriko-'san'?"

She spits into my face, I don't recoil as I would've before, instead simply producing a handkerchief and wiping my face clean.

"I don't give a flying fuck what you do or don't have a problem with, you tiny little bastard." she replies coldly, her eyes glaring into my own, challenging. "I'm going to mess you up when I get loose and then I'm going to kill-"

I cut her off with a yawn, mockingly rubbing at my eye.

"Sure, sure Noriko-san. Whatever you say, however, I must get to sleep. Growing boy and all, no?" I place a bowl of water in front of her. "Enjoy, although you won't be getting food until I see fit beecause of your inability to tame your saliva, mind you. There's a bucket for your waste in the corner, Inu-san."

I smile contentedly as I step out, sealing the scroll shut to the sound of her angry curses and replacing it on the shelf. I step over to the door, calling out into the hall.

"Anko-san, what do you feel like tonight?"

-

I'm meeting with Gekko Hayate today. He's a retired ANBU, about 23 or 24 years of age and enjoys long walks around the village. He also had a terrible cough, I couldn't see how good of a shinobi he'd be like that. I had rather liked Mamoru-sensei, but I supposed since he was handpicked by Sarutobi, he can't be terrible.

"Good morning, Gekko-sensei. It is a pleasure to meet you." I tell the man, holding out my hand as I come up to him on the bridge where Sarutobi told me to go. The man looks up at me with a confused look upon his features and begins coughing heavily. He takes my hand in a firm grasp once the spell subsides, a smile suddenly upon his gaunt features as he realizes something.

"You're Uzumaki Naruto, aren't you?" he asks with a slight wheeze and I nod, if possible, his smile gets slightly wider. "Good, good, I've heard good things about you, Uzumaki-kun. I hope you'll be a promising -hack- student, ready?"

He doesn't wait for an answer as he pulls out a bone-white sword and charges me, catching me across the chest in a shallow slash as I jump away.

"Maa, -cough, cough- maa. Good. Again."

He charges me like before but I dodge this time, getting behind him and delivering a sharp kick to the back of his knees. I hear a gasp before he poofs into a log and I quickly find my head level with the ground.

"Good job." he murmurs, stepping around in front of me. "-cough- You need to work on your senses. Were you ever taught how to sense chakra signatures?"

I nod, taking a few minutes to memorize his own firmly rooted chakra output, just from that you could tell that he was strong. He was a Jounin, but I could defeat Anko which meant I was at least on the level of a Tokubetsu Jounin. That means...that Tokubetsu Jounin are a highly lower rank than ordinary Jounin. There must be a huge jump or I must not be acclimated to his style yet. I assume both the former and the latter as I extricate myself from the ground, pulling up a bit of wind around my hands with minimal chakra.

"Suiton: Suikodan no Jutsu." I intone, making sure to be just loud enough for Hayate to hear me. He reacts as expected, forming the handseals for an earth jutsu to block my supposed water attack, I can tell he is surprised when my spiked fuuton bullets rip through his earthen barrier, catching him across the face and torso. I immediately switch myself with a henged clone created earlier, henging into a bird at the same time and observing from my new spot in the trees. I see Hayate come up behind the clone, as expected, but his movements are off. I take to the skies a split second before shuriken rip through the leaves, severing the branch I sat on.

I dive bomb him, returning to my original form in mid-air, curling to avoid major/minor damage from his sword strikes and throwing explosive burrs at him. They stick and I smile, detonating them as I jump away and back into the trees, shifting into a dragonfly. There were times when I was quite grateful for my tenant being a fox. Shapeshifting, or henging, whichever you prefer to use, came easier to me than most.

I take off, fluttering quickly into the smoke and dust to land on Hayate's back before returning to my original form and holding a kunai to his throat.

"Good, Uzumaki-kun. -cough- Almost perfect."

I freeze as I feel pressure on my throat, the smoke clears to reveal Hayate's bone sword curving a dangerous arc around my neck, prepared to pull back and decapitate at a moment's movement. I see that I hold a simple Kawarimi at knife-point and scoff inwardly to myself. How had I been so completely and utterly fooled?

"You're creative Uzumaki-kun, -cough- which is good. However, we need to work on your senses so that they can sense anyone's full chakra and not just the signature remnants at anytime." he stops, falling into another coughing spell. I wonder how I could go about finding him a remedy. "You never know when someone might be a decoy or a shadow clone, then what? -cough, cough- Then you'd be dead."

I nod as he removes his weapon from around my throat, immediately whipping around so as to catch him off guard and punch him in the chest with a fistful of medical chakra. He hacks, blood and lumps of flesh bubbling past his lips to fall to the ground. I smile, pressing my hand to his chest once more before letting more lime-green chakra enter his system and repair his lungs.

"If you please, Hayate-sensei, take a deep breath."

He does so, smiling as it becomes easier and easier to breathe. I listen for rasping and nod to myself when I hear none.

"I-I have never felt this good in my life. Uzumaki-kun, what-what did you do?" he asks, the look on his face something of awe. "This was something that even the great medic ninja Senju Tsunade couldn't heal...said it was impossible...how?"

I tilt my head to the side with a frown.

"Hayate-sensei...that woman lied to you. Nothing is 'impossible' under the correct conditions."

Neither him or I knew what had taken place that day until much, much later.

-

It was the end of the day and I was quite sore, having had my ass thoroughly handed to me many times. I frown, running back the day ofintense training in my head and analyzing it.

"Tomorrow, I'll succeed."

'Tomorrow' turned into days, then weeks, months and years, until finally, I had turned 11. I was quite ecstatic, for three things occurred that day. Hayate deemed me worthy of being called his apprentice and would begin training me in his famous style, the Mikazuki no Mai. **1**

Dai was almost close to completion. I had a few more modifcations I'd wanted to try and then he would be done. On a side note, Noriko was almost completely broken, both in spirit and body. She resembled a Suna puppet and the finishing touches would be completed in a day or two. It was all very amusing, especially the way she walked now. Almost like a toddler.

I'd also begun modifying my own body, it's surprising what one can do with chakra and a little imagination. Fortuntely, my arms looked quite normal, which I was glad for. I couldn't afford to upset Sarutobi.

Finally, the new Academy graduates were ready. I was being assigned a team and a new Jounin instructor by the name of Hatake Kakashi.

Little did I know this would be the beginning of an end.

-

**Author**

"I'm so happy we're on a team together, aren't you Sasuke-kun?!" a girl with vibrant pink hair and bright green eyes in a red circle dress exclaims happily to a raven-haired boy beside her, almost deafening him.

The boy, Sasuke, dressed in Uchiha garb, frowns in reply before steepling his hands in front of his face with his elbows resting on the table in front of him.

The girl shakes her head and frowns as well, crossing her arms.

"Who's our other teammate? I've never heard of an 'Uzumaki Naruto' before. And they're both late! Ugh!" she screams in frustration, grabbing her hair and pulling it as the door cracks open, revealing a head covered in a forest green bandanna with a few wisps of blonde hair sticking out from underneath. A blue-eyed boy steps in, clad in dark greens and blues, his equally dark-colored hitae-ate tied securely around his throat and metal vambraces tied securely onto his arms.

-

I scan the room as I enter, already I appeared to have been given the bottom of the proverbial barrel. The only girl of my new team was pulling her hair and the boy looked murderous. Oh, that's right, he was Itachi's brother, hm. Never bothered to learn his name. Whatever.

"Are you Uzumaki Naruto?" the girl asks before I can murmur a greeting. I nod. "You're late!" I simply check my watch with a frown and shake my head.

"Hm? Please excuse my rudeness but your perception of time is off Momoiro-san, I am on time. Perhaps you are simply early?"**2**

The girl blinks at me before huffing and turning away, mumbling mockingly under her breath.

I could sense our instructor waiting calmly in a field about halfway across the village, having memorized his chakra signature while he was being briefed in Sarutobi's office at one point. I wanted to attempt something, but I didn't know if it would work. I grasped the thread of his chakra that led through the village along the path he'd taken and pulled it to me, as I'd thought, he appeared right before me in a poof of smoke. I was slightly shocked, having not expected it to work.

"Well, now I _know_ I don't like any of you." the man tells us, though his head still remains in that disgusting porn novel. "Even you, Uzumaki-kun, though that trick is quite interesting. Anyway, meet me on the roof in five minutes."

He poofs away, leaving the girl to scream in frustration and the boy and myself with raised eyebrows.

-

"Alright, introduce yourselves. Name, parentage, likes, dislikes, goals, hobbies, the works."

Momoiro raises her hand, Kakashi acknowledging her with disinterest.

"Shouldn't you go first Sensei?! So we know what to do?"

I inwardly wince. It was an introduction, not rocket science. And must she be so loud?

"Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I have parents. I like things and I don't like other things. I have some goals and a few hobbies. Okay Bubbly, go."

I sigh, just like that any respect I may have ever fostered for this man is gone.

"My name is Haruno Sakura!"

And she gains a name. How unpleasant, I rather liked Momoiro. I think I'll continue to call her that.

"My parents are Haruno Sukari and Haruno Herun! My goal is to be the best kunoichi ever! I like..." she trails off, giggling as she bats her eyes at Itachi's brother. "I dislike Naruto!"

Here she glares at me. I mentally shrug. Did I care if I was disliked by a fangirl? My tenant provides me with a humorous image and I shake my head. Not really.

"Alright, you next Broody."

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. My parents were Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto. I don't have a goal, more of an ambition, and that's to kill a certain man. I have no likes or dislikes."

Okay...angst much? Who cares if your entire clan was killed? Death, much like shit, happens.

"Alright, finally, your turn Blue Eyes."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I have no parents. My goal is to finish my experiments. I like working with my experiments, cooking, devising new theories and working with clay. I dislike ramen, ignorant children, being talked down to and being disrespected. My hobbies are working with my experiments and modifying things using chakra as well as other implements."

Kakashi claps his hands as I finish, his single, uncovered eye turned up in a U of what I suppose is feigned happiness.

"Alright. Now that that's over, I have a task for you. You will report to Training Ground Seventy-Four tomorrow morning at five for survival training. Don't eat any breakfast, you'll just puke it up. Ja."

He poofs out, missing Momoiro's scream of outrage that she'd already done survival in the Academy.

I sigh, I'd forgotten how idiotically irritating children could be.

-

I'd hate to think I was more than particularly harsh while modifying Noriko and Dai later that evening after training with Anko and Hayate, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

"Shut up Dai-san or I will rip out your non-existant tongue." I growl as I implant him, he was now simply Pure Chakra, into a clay and flesh shell. He still looked like his old self, but with a significant amount of new abilities. Pure Chakra can do anything if harnessed properly and with the Living Chakra in the mix, he was damn near immortal. I suspected he'd live until I grew bored of him. I had carved the servitude seals into the very make before it had even been properly assembled, it was so useful, now he actually 'had' to be quiet or risk pain. Honestly, you'd think him used to it by now. I was actually glad he was so stubborn, nothing like Noriko at all, at least, not anymore. Oh well. "Noriko-san, come here. I want you to teach him, kill him as many times as you like, he'll just reform. If I come back in here tomorrow and he hasn't learned how to fight you back, it'll be the knife for you."

She whimpers with a nod at me before turning to Dai, a crooked smile working its way across her face as her head tilts to the side and the strings tighten on her limbs.

I walk out of the back room of my laboratory, humming a jovial tune as I step out of my scroll and back into my room in the apartment.

"Anko-san!" I call, going towards the door.

"Hai?!"

"Do you have any kusarigama or a simple weighted chain that I can have?"

-

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1 **. Dance of the Crescent Moon. Creates multiple clones while the true person attacks from above. Is rumored to have not been completed to it's fullest.

**2 **. Momoiro means 'pink' in Japanese.

-

Anaki: The next chapter is coming up quicker than you can say: Evangelion eats emus eternally erstwhile Evan Endigilino entails entourages to extremists edicts. Also, evil cliffie!

RC16: Um...okay?

Anaki: Yeah. I can't say it without getting tongue-tied.

RC16: You gotta wonder how 'bored' that you were.

Anaki: Hey!

RC16: Is for horses.

RC17: Um...wow? Also, would the person who wanted longer chapters please come to the courtesy desk? It's fresh, hot and smells like apple cider! Mmm, cider. Happy Halloween! Review.


	7. Tell Me What I Already Know

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

* * *

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: I'm getting lots of people adding the story to their alerts (and that 'does' make me happy) but not many reviews. I'd really love to know what you think too, you know? I believe Konohamaru will be making an appearance this chapter.

* * *

Break away

From the bonds

Hold up your hands

To catch grace

Sadly

It

Slips

Away

_Knaji_

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Tell Me What I Already Know**

:Training Ground Seventy-Four:

I 'really' abhor children. Now I realize you may think that I am a child too, which, of course I am. I can never lie about that fact, but I just consider that a trial of physical age. Mentally I am probably far older than you could imagine.

Children are just that, _children._

They act like children, carefree, happy, idiotic. Blinded by things that are so meaningless that they learn absolutely nothing about the real world. One such example are the boy and girl a few feet away from me. Momoiro is so infatuated with Karasu that she can't better herself so that she'll actually be of some use when the time comes. Meanwhile, Karasu has his head so far up his rectum that he's choking on it, nevermind the foolish thoughts about killing his brother. Psh, when golems fly. **1**

I could already tell that they wouldn't make it to the Chunin exams with me either, I'd have to remedy that when the time came.

Ah, there's Kakashi, the man that barely passes for a Jounin instructor. How irksome.

* * *

"Good morning!" he chirps at us with a smile. I just look at him calmly while Karasu glares and Momoiro screams.

"You're late! We've been waiting for three and a half hours!"

Kakashi has the nerve to grin through that insufferable mask of his and come up with an excuse about and old lady and her cat. I was not going to stand for this idiocy. I refuse to be stuck as a Genin any longer than needed, I'd been waiting patiently for too long.

"Hatake-san." I say, waiting until he looks my way. "It is terribly rude to keep the Genin that you are supposed to be teaching waiting on their 'teacher'. That is disrespectful to us and a waste of our time that could be better spent honing our individual skills. You told us to be here at a certain time and we acquiesed, while you did not. I regret to say that if you are late again I shall report you to the Hokage, whether you are my teacher, superior or not. We are going to be the future protectors and breadwinners of this village, we cannot do that if you are laying around for three hours or more when you yourself have deemed a time that should be agreeable to both parties. If you cannot be here on time, then I suggest you reschedule promptly and send messengers to us. Otherwise, we have the right to request another teacher in your steed. Now are you going to get this _survival training _over with or are we getting a new teacher?"

Kakashi, Momoiro and Karasu blink, stunned, as I finish my speech with a small amount of sarcasm. I frown, staring hard at the masked Jounin, waiting for an answer.

"Well...let's get to it shall we?" he replies, his visible eye revealing his emotions. He was angry at the disrespect, yet thoroughly cowed as well.

Good.

I listen as he explains the rules of the bell test and sigh, so simple this would be.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked to sensei like that!" Momoiro hisses at me later as I lounge in a tree, catching the bell in my hand over and over. Surprisingly, the girl and the boy had listened without question to my small strategy and we obtained the bells with minimal effort.

"It was needed, Momoiro-san. Would you like to wait an extra three hours to learn how to protect your village? We are only so lucky we're in peacetime at the moment."

"My. Name. Is. Sakura!" she grinds out in reply, before getting a thoughtful look on her face. "No, I wouldn't, but that doesn't give you-"

I yawn, cutting her off as I jump to the ground.

"Maa, maa Momoiro-san, you are long-winded. I'll be going home now for dinner now, growing boy and all, you know? Sayonara."

I begin to walk away with a slight smirk on my features.

"My name is Sakura! Haruno Sakura dammit!"

Ah, children.

Simple minded little fools.

* * *

::Konoha Streets::

"Ah, Neko-sama! How wonderful to see you! And how are you feeling today?"

The kitten purrs, rubbing against my leg. I pick it up and hold it in my arms, rubbing its soft tan fur and plucking the ugly magenta ribbon off of its neck. Animals were the only innocent things in the world. Thus, during my cleansing, they (along with a few decent humans) would survive.

"Do you want to come home with me, Neko-sama?"

The kitten mews, looking at me with bright green eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

::Hokage's Office::

**Sarutobi**

Naruto was a bright boy for his age, at age eight he had proved able to cure a myriad of "uncurable" diseases. Hyuuga Hinoe's cancer and Gekko Hayate's lung disease were two such ones. He'd also figured out a way around the chakra/body fat draining final technique of the Akimichi clan, improving it significantly, simply by reading some of the documents from the Great Shinobi Wars.

I knew he would go on to do great things, but I couldn't help but worry.

Sometimes the look in his eyes was just to much like my old pupil's, I really don't think I could kill the boy if I had to.

I knew he had kidnapped Noriko Fuji, the main orphanage caretaker, and a shop stall owner some odd years ago. I'm sure he knew that I knew, but I neglected to say anything about it. I'd watched him do some of his experiments on Hiroshi and Noriko, watched his face change from anger to delight as the life drained from the caretaker and the shop owner, and thought how he must feel he was getting some form of retribution for his treatment in the first few years of his life. I knew the scrolls Kotimo Sosuke and Shihiru Aki gave him were dangerous in more ways than one, but I figured with his knowledge and chakra levels, they would be no issue. I was correct.

So I let it continue without a word, Noriko had been due to retire soon anyway. The civilians were of no consequence, neither had families to inquiry as to their whereabouts. I couldn't say I felt terrible about it.

Even now as I watched him petting and fussing over that troublesome cat, I had to smile.

Perhaps there was hope for him.

"Hokage-sama?" one of my secretaries ask, knocking lightly the door. I quickly put the crystal ball away and call for them to enter. She steps inside, bowing low. "Uzumaki Naruto is here to see you."

"Ah, send him in please."

* * *

"Ohayou, Sarutobi-sama. Are you well?" I ask, tilting my body so that the kitten sitting on my shoulder doesn't fall as I sit in the chair. I can't help but crack a smile as she jumps down into my lap and curls up to sleep.

Sarutobi is amused as well.

"I'm doing alright, what about you Naruto-kun?"

"Quite well Sarutobi-sama. I simply came to visit and to ask a few questions."

"Oh?"

I nod slowly, stroking the soft fur of the kitten in my lap.

"I will not throw a fit because I trust your judgement, but I still wonder, why that particular team and instructor?"

I watch as Sarutobi steeples his hands together and thinks on a suitable answer for a bit before straightening up and replying.

"I thought that they could learn from you. They have only seen Academy fighting techniques or their families fighting style, which will not help them in the real world at this stage. I guess I thought that with all the training you've been through that maybe they would pick up a bit of something from you and develop it within their own style into something productive."

I nod in understanding, those children 'would' need every edge they could get if we ever got into a true fight. That didn't mean I would make an active effort to help them though, unless they asked. Politely.

"As for Kakashi, well, I knew you wouldn't stand for his lateness at all. He actually came earlier to complain about being reprimanded by his own student. It was all I could do not to laugh while I told him to mind what you'd said. I do believe he'll be on time from now on."

Good. It wouldn't bode well for him at all if he were to continue shirking his duties as an instructor.

"Thank you Sarutobi-sama, I am glad that you could clear that up for me. Also, I have a recipe I'd like for you to try..." I pull out one of my storage scrolls and release a large container from it. "Anko-san doesn't care for swordfish at all, but I remembered you saying that you hadn't had any in quite a while last time we talked, so I took the liberty of looking up something in one of my recipe books. I found a recipe for swordfish steaks and added my own touch to them, I hope you will enjoy them."

I watch surprise go across his face as I set the container on his desk, then he smiles sincerely.

"Thank you Naruto-kun. I have a feeling I will be eating quite well tonight."

"You're welcome Sarutobi-sama, now, if you'll excuse me." I reply, standing up at his nod and bowing, the still sleeping kitten ensconced firmly in my arms. I turn to go when the door suddenly flies open, a small boy of about six or seven wearing an odd helmet with a smiley face on the side and long scarf about his neck running into the room.

"Grandpa, I'm gonna be the next Hokage!" he exclaims in mock-gruffness before tripping on his scarf. I watch Sarutobi wince in sympathy from my peripheral vision. He scrambles to his feet, pointing at me angrily as a man dressed in black with dark glasses on stumbles into the room. "You tripped me!"

I simply shake my head at his accusation as the man begins shouting at him.

"I apologize Warai-san, but you tripped on your own scarf. Perhaps you should wind it tighter?" **2**

"How dare you talk to him like that?! He's the Hokage's honorable grandson!" the man yells, turning his attention towards me.

I frown at the man's rudeness, watching Sarutobi palm his face into his hand silently.

"I do not see how my manner of speaking to Warai-san was disrespectful as I most assuredly do not know his true name. However, your manner of speaking to me is quite rude. Should I make note of that, _sir?_" I reply, lacing my words with iced sarcasm.

The man is taken aback by my tone and I can tell that he would love nothing more than to attack me.

"Also, you're not a very good babysitter, seeing as your charge has escaped you once more."

I watch as the man looks around frantically before rushing from the room once more, screaming for the boy.

Imbecile.

"Sayonara Warai-san, Hokage-sama. I hope you enjoy your dinner." I murmur as I walk to the open door with my kitten safely in my arms.

"It's Konohamaru! Ko-no-ha-ma-ru, baka!" he finally screams after me as he comes out from behind Sarutobi's chair. Ah, teasing children was so fun.

* * *

I walk past a wooden fence on the way home and get to the middle before I sigh.

"Warai-san, camouflage only works when it is positioned the correct way. In this case, yours is sideways, not upright, as it should be." I tell the boy as I stop in front of his shoddy disguise.

"I should've known a great ninja like you could spot my camouflage easily! Grandpa said you are a great ninja, said you're gonna go on to do great things, I want to be Hokage someday so I need to be able to do great things too!" he exclaims, throwing off the fake cloth to look at me with annoyance. I inwardly sigh, already knowing what was coming. "And it's Konohamaru!"

I nod to him, starting to walk again with him at my heels.

"Why do you want to be Hokage, Warai-san?"

He doesn't even react to his nickname for once, growing silent for a time before speaking up.

"I want to be recognized for my name, not just as the Hokage's grandson. Everywhere I go it's always that I'm his grandson, never that I'm just Konohamaru."

"So what do you want of me?" I ask, already knowing what's to come.

"Would you teach me?"

"How do you know that I would be a good teacher?" I ask, though I already had plans if he could prove useful.

"Well, Grandpa said..."

I cut him off.

"And if your grandfather said I was the best in the village would you believe him?"

I watch as the boy struggles with his answer before answering the question for him.

"No, you wouldn't. No matter how strong someone is, there is always someone stronger, more cunning, more powerful. I could be beaten by any number of shinobi currently in this village but do I let that stop me? Of course not. If I am going to teach you anything, you must forget everything that you have ever been taught. Anything you have learned that sounds biased, is. Anything that you have learned that looks wrong or doesn't seem to function smoothly? Trash." I stop for a moment, watching him. He seems to be hanging onto my words. Good. "Now do you still want me to teach you, or would you like to go back to learning useless things that will get you killed once you go out into the field?"

"I want you to teach me!"

"Why?"

"I...I think you could teach me better than...than Ebisu."

Not the answer I was looking for, but decent enough.

"You'll do everything I tell you?"

"Yes sensei."

"No complaints?"

"None sensei."

"If I were to awaken you at 3 am to train, you would not whine?"

"No sensei."

I smile, shifting the kitten to my left arm for a moment while I grab his hand and shake it, having my chakra burn the proper seal into his signature. It would assure that he would not speak a word of what he would learn in the times to come.

"Good. I expect to see you tomorrow at 2pm sharp at Training Ground Seventy-Four."

"Hai sensei!"

* * *

::Laboratory::

"Dai-san, you realize I am elated to see you, don't you?" I ask him as I enter the lab, liberating his Chakra form from its shell and not expecting a response. "I will be making more modifications to your temporary body today and the research I have come across is simply amazing. Did you realize that just a small bit of copper wire conducts electricity? No, of course you didn't, you're slightly dimwitted, hence your current state. The copper wire will be useful in a fight against a Kumo nin. Understand Dai-san? Ku-mo." I tell him as though speaking to a small child.

I lay his body down onto the table and open the ventral cavity once more, watching as Dai floats around in front of me angrily. He was flashing red and everything.

"What's the matter Dai-san?" I ask before looking down to Maki, who was purring and rubbing against my leg. "Do you not like kittens? I don't see why, they're simply wonderful to be around."

He manages to get out something that sounds vaguely like a curse upon my non-existant family, I honestly couldn't tell with his current lack of vocal chords.

Oh well.

I begin to hum as I remove the remaining organs from the body and place them aside for now before packing a tightly coiled steel rope into the space formerly occupied by the stomach. I sew his ventral cavity back together before taking some sheets of skin off of his face, placing small coils of copper wire into the spaces of the body's upper cheekbones and doing the same to the backs of his hands and the soles of his feet. I wind more copper wire up through his arms and legs to connect the wires, soldering the ends underneath his feet to thick iron sheets with cleat spikes to dig into the ground.

I would run currents of electricity through him later today and take note of where the burns formed, then add more copper as needed.

"Hm, I wonder..." I say to myself, temporarily numbing the nerves and stopping the blood flow to my own legs with medical chakra after I'd lifted myself to one of the empty tables. "Noriko-san, wash your hands and come here if you will."

She soon comes skittering out of one of the back rooms with her hands still dripping. I immediately take control of her body via chakra strings, making her put on gloves, form chakra knives onto her hands, and then come over to the table. I watch as she begins cutting my left leg into three sections, then does the same to the right. I begin to hum my favorite russian tune as she removes the bone from the bottom two sections of my left leg and replaces them with a chain of Living Chakra.

"Wonderful." I murmur as she puts sections back together and my tenant heals them, Noriko incorporating the remaining Living Chakra into the skin of my leg so that I can bend it at will. "And, of course, the other leg now."

She begins to whimper and fight my hold, I jerk violently, giving her head a hard twist.

"You'll do as I say Noriko-_san_, or I will remake your form into something so grotesque that even _I _will not let you see the light of day ever again. Do you understand me?" I tell her, a steel edge to my voice as I give her a hard glare. She doesn't reply so I jerk once more. "Well?"

She still doesn't reply and it's then that I realize I've broken her neck in my anger.

"Oh well. It appears I'll have need of finishing this myself."

I let her body drop to the floor, she would be redone later, healing my leg for a bit before forming a clone to assist me in finishing my experiment.

"Alright Naruto-san, you can see the lines from the previous work are still there, so sever them straight through please."

* * *

**Dai**

I hated this kid. Honestly and truly hated him. It didn't matter that I felt better than I did in my entire life in this form. It didn't matter that I didn't have to do anything except float around poor, unfortunate Noriko to eat. Now she was dead, the only person I had to talk to was gone, killed because he was angry and didn't know his own fucking strength.

I hated him.

This bastard of a kid with his mocking smiles, sarcasm and fake politeness. I couldn't believe that he'd been Rookie of the Year when I'd first met him. Hadn't believed it when I'd beat him up either, however much of a fluke that was. Not only did I regret it later, when I thought I was going to die for treason, but then they actually allowed him to keep me as a servant. Stupid fucking council, what kind of village doesn't have laws against slavery? I mean what the hell?

No wonder this kid is getting away with kidnapping people in broad daylight. Everytime he comes back in he has something or someone, today it was a kitten. A poor innocent little furball. I thought he was gonna turn it into something grotesque like he did to Noriko, but he just let it run around underfoot, even nudged it away from some of the more dangerous things in here with a smile on his face.

I looked at Noriko's body on the floor, frowning with non-existant features as I go over to her. I could see my reflection in the mirror, I was blue.

I was blue and I couldn't touch her, couldn't at least shut her eyes.

Dammit Noriko.

You treated me like your son.

Even though we were both prisoners in this hellhole.

Even though we were both experimented on to the point of no return...

I am gonna get revenge for you.

That lil' bastard's gonna die.

* * *

Another day with children.

Sigh.

At least Kakashi was on time.

"Alright! Glad everyone's here!" he tells us with a grin as he puts away his book. "We have a mission!"

Oh joy, we probably have to whitewash another fence.

"Tora, the Fire Lady's kitten, is missing!"

He holds up a picture of the very kitten I found yesterday.

No way in hell were they taking 'my' cat.

Especially not after I'd trained her to chase Dai around, very amusing.

* * *

**Sakura**

Naruto was a really odd kid. He managed to wrap sarcasm in politeness and pull it off like it was nothing. He also had an odd way of speaking, I'd never heard a kid younger than me use such formal language when speaking to anyone. He was acting like he was better than us and that pissed me off. So he graduated the Academy when he was like seven, who cared?

He wouldn't tell us what his crappy 'experiments' were on or what they were for. I wouldn't think he'd achieved half of the shit he'd said he'd done if it weren't for the fact that I'd spied on his training one day. He was good, better than good, and awesome with that sword at his hip.

Too bad he was an asshole.

"Hey Naruto, you seen that cat anywhere yet?" I ask into my headset quietly as I scan the underbrush for a sign.

"Negative, Momoiro-san." his voice crackles through my headset.

Oh yeah, then there was the unwanted nickname issue.

"It's Sakura, dammit." I whisper quietly, only to hear him chuckle through the headset.

* * *

**Sasuke**

I hate that kid. He walked along like nothing bothered him. I knew he'd known my brother before he'd left the village but he would tell me nothing. Itachi hadn't talked about much before he'd killed everyone, but I remember him telling me about a blonde kid with sky blue eyes one day and saying that if he were just a bit older that he'd follow him and no one else. Said the kids knowledge was unbelieveable. I hated hearing about him then and I hate having to see him every day now. It hurts to know the person your brother held in high regard wasn't even family, but a lowly foreign commoner from god knows where.

He had power, which I wanted, no needed, to kill my brother. I told him, demanded that he teach me. He should teach me, I was the last Uchiha, I had a goal I needed to reach and he should be practically tripping over himself to help me.

Psh, what do I get instead?

'I'm sorry Karasu-san, but I refuse to teach you until you realize your behavior is unacceptable for a shinobi.'

My behavior?

Stupid idiot, I'd beat the snot out of him in our spar later today, then he'd see how wrong he is and teach me everything he knows.

...And I'm 'not' a freaking crow.

* * *

Ah, D-rank missions, the bane of Genin. Lazy villagers not wanting to do anything and a village too afraid to at least give us simulated missions.

No wonder so many new Chunin die in the fields. Not from lack of proper training, just inexperience. Foolish.

Whoever invented this system for the military was severely touched in their head.

Kakashi had finally let us mark this mission as a failure due to inability to locate the target.

I had to laugh.

* * *

"Alright Warai-san, tell me what you know about chakra." I tell him as I come into the training ground and take a seat on a fallen log. He comes over to sit in front of me before reeling off the standard Academy definition. "Good, now do you know anything about chakra manipulation?"

He shakes his head and I smile.

"Find your chakra first, when you think you have, tell me. Then we will begin the next step." I tell him and he shuts his eyes to concentrate while I begin subtle modifications to the Living Chakra chain, spreading it to the bone in my other arm and drawing out some of my own medical chakra to disentegrate the bone itself and leave the chain intact.

It hurt significantly, but nothing would ever compare to the pain of summoning hellhounds, so I didn't complain.

"I..I think I found it sensei."

Good.

Now the fun could begin.

* * *

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1 **. Karasu means 'crow' in Japanese. As you can see, Sasuke has a new nickname too.

**2** . Warai means 'smile, sneer, laughter or laugh' in Japanese, in this case Naruto is referring to the frowning smiley face on Konohamaru's helmet.

**3** . If you want to hear what he was humming go to Youtube and search for _Old Norvegian gipsy tune _by_ tinkadog_.

* * *

Anaki: Alrighty, whoo, new chapter. I had fun with this one.

RC16: I'm sure.

Anaki: Yep, and I've got a job! Yay!

RC16: Where?

Anaki: McDonald's, it's actually pretty solid, but I hate fast food and the customers are rude sons of-

RC16: You can't say that on tv!

Anaki: What? Britches?

RC16: Nevermind.

RC17: Haha! I hope everyone likes this chapter! Shoutout to Johnhamsta, we tried to incorporate many different POV's this chapter and will continue to do so. Hopefully it'll go more smoothly next chapter.


	8. I Walk Among The Waters

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

-

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: I'm glad to be getting such positive reviews on this story. And to the person who noticed that I was modeling Naruto with elements of Kurotsuchi Mayuri, good eye! You should also see the more prominent elements of another Bleach mad scientist. Also, Naruto is gradually becoming a sarcastic son of a bitch ain't he? If you don't think so, you soon will.

-

Belief in the future

Begets misfortune

Can you truly

Believe?

Take this damned heart

Eat

It

Raw

_Knaji_

-

**Chapter Seven: I Walk Among The Waters **

:On The Road To Wave Country:

We'd been on this mission for only an hour and were being attacked by missing-nin from Amegakure. Sigh.

"Demon Brothers, B-class, rely on usage of poison chain gauntlets to paralyze and murder their victims." I read off nonchalantly from my book as I duck under a swipe from their claws. Momoiro was 'protecting' Drinky, honestly, if they wanted him dead, she would stand no chance. Karasu was 'assisting' me; i.e. getting in the way.

Kakashi was hiding in the trees, probably waiting to see how we'd fare. I was willing to bet that if he waited long enough Momoiro, Karasu and Drinky would be dead before he could blink.

Sigh.

And now Karasu had made some idiotic, cocky move and gotten himself knocked out. I pocket my Bingo book and step out into the fray, releasing Noriko's newly repaired body from a nearly invisible seal inked into my shoulder. It was completely unrecognizable as her now, as I'd removed any facial features (the Sharingan eyes were back in preservation for another, more living experiment) and the entirety of the bodily organs, replacing them with hollow air filled pockets beneath a black mask full of special-paralyzing toxins for the brains signals to the limbs so that the victim inhaling it could still feel pain but not move. It worked wonders for interrogation.

And I loved designing things, the mask was a work of art if I did say so myself. A very pretty design of gold dust, quite expensive, but the hidden seals carved into the mask served their purpose. Mind you I can't tell you what they do, lest that compromise the secrecy, but I'm sure you're perceptive enough to figure it out given enough time.

I attach my chakra strings to my puppet and send it at the Demon Brothers, having them disabled them in a matter of moments. Honestly, you would think missing-nin would have more intellect than what they possess, to be brought down by a mere Genin.

I reseal Noriko and withdraw a long senbon needle, plunging it deep into the first brother's thigh, he screams in pain behind his mask.

Should've went for the kidney, but oh well.

"Might I ask who you work for Demon-san?" I ask ever so politely. Always had to be polite. The brother sends a scathing glare towards me, not answering my question. I send a bit of chakra into the needle, making numerous thread-thin barbs sprout from the sides of the metal, he screams louder but the sound is muffled by his breathing mask. "Who do you work for...?"

I let a bit of my tenant's killer intent leak off into my own, smiling as the acrid stench of urine wafts into the air.

Weak.

"Demon-san?" I ask again, twisting the needle to sever muscle, nerves and precious tissue and allowing the criminal to scream again. It would leave very a nasty scar if he didn't answer me quickly. I could hear Momoiro's frightened gasp in the background, as well as Kakashi returning from his hiding place. "I shall give you ten seconds to answer. Ichi...Ni...San..."

I continue counting, twisting and pulling the needle out somewhat with each number that I pass.

"Shichi...Hachi....Kyuu...Jyuu." I finish, yanking the senbon needle from his leg and inadvertently severing his femoral artery. I listen with a slight smile as he attempts not to scream, being unable to thrash around. "Well Demon-san?" I ask as Momoiro retches somewhere behind me and I hear Kakashi stepping up beside my crouched form as the criminal stays stubbornly silent, despite the blood pouring profusely from his leg. I lay a hand on it, filling it with molten chakra to cauterize the wound. This time he does scream, quite loudly in fact.

"Oh well."

I unsheathe and raise my sword to decapitate him when the other brother cries out, falling perfectly into my trap as Kakashi grabs my blade to stop me from swinging it down.

Oh ye of little faith, false sensei.

"Gatou! We work for Gatou! He owns a shipping company near Wave Country! We were ordered to kill the bridge builder!"

"Ah, is that all Demon-san? Do you know why you were ordered to kill him?"

The man shakes his head and my tenant confirms his truthfulness before I shoot a kunai straight into his jugular, quicker than Kakashi can react and the bounty slowly asphyxiates on his own blood.

Quite gruesome.

"Hm...So messy...Excuse me if you will, sensei." I murmur as I go about removing his head from his body and placing it into a sack, I could turn it in at a Bansho on the return trip. I discreetly remove the brain from the head, sucking it into a seal on my palm and wrapping cold chakra around it to preserve it until I could place it in cryo-stasis in my lab.

I listen with half an ear as Kakashi attempts to reprimand me for killing the man, but I notice him killing the other ninja discreetly with a kunai.

Hypocrite.

"Maa, maa, Kakashi-sensei. It was needed." I reply to his scolding as I remove the other ninja's head as well, removing his brain and finishing up the same way before sealing the sacks into a scroll and beginning to walk down the road.

Momoiro was still retching and Drinky had urinated all over himself.

How...disgustingly weak.

-

**Sakura**

I...I couldn't see how Naruto could kill someone so easily. He was a genin like the rest of us right? No one should be able to kill someone like that. He didn't even bat an eyelash while torturing that guy, or even when he watched that other man drown in his own blood.

H-He'd even smiled a bit while he was cutting off their heads...Kami, just thinking back about it made me wanna barf again.

Naruto was a monster.

A cold, unfeeling monster.

That was the only explanation.

-

**Kakashi**

Naruto...he wasn't a normal genin. A normal genin wouldn't have killed those men so easily (or been able to for that matter), nor would they have been able to read a Bingo book in the midst of battle, never mind taking the heads for the bounties. It was...disturbing. Hokage-sama would have to hear about this.

And I'd have to keep a closer eye on him.

-

I was quite ecstatic. I had the brains of two superb ninja, skill wise anyway. Given more time, they probably could've made it to A rank in the Bingo Book.

Oh well.

We were crossing the sea now; Karasu had awoken sometime in the middle of the ride and was sitting huffily on the back end of the small vessel. Momoiro was busy being silently sick on the side of the boat; Kakashi had decided we would continue the mission, despite the rank moving up significantly with us having fought Chunin. Drinky was frowning and so was I, having to sit next to him.

He still reeked of urine.

I realized something though, as I tinkered with my arm's Living Chakra chain and the unlocking mechanisms I placed into the new sections in my legs.

It would be quite difficult to get any proper field experience with my teammates around.

I was well aware that Sarutobi had informed Kakashi of any abilities that I'd shown him, which I admit are few. A smart ninja kept his most powerful secrets to himself, but I was also aware that Momoiro and Karasu had no knowledge of what I could do outside from my kunai accuracy and interrogation/torture techniques.

I wanted to keep it that way.

But alas, nothing has been working out the way I like recently.

-

**Sakura**

Kakashi-sensei's cry of 'Get Down!' startled me more than when Naruto pinned that rabbit to a tree earlier. I managed to push Tazuna-san to the ground just as a huge sword came flying out of the mist right where our heads were five seconds ago.

"Sensei?!" I cry out as a bone-chilling laugh rings out from the mist and a heavy clunking makes itself known to my ears as a man with a half bandaged face and torso appears, standing on the hilt of the sword embedded in the tree. I gasp, choking, as an oppressive force rushes over me and fills me with pure fear. It's all I can do not to wet myself.

I manage to look up and see Sasuke throwing up, Kakashi was unfazed and I could feel the same pressure coming off of him, but when I looked to Naruto he didn't seemed fazed either and I could feel something dangerous coming off of him in waves. It felt like the man and Kakashi except worse, but the only thing he'd done was catch a dragonfly.

And it was balancing calmly on his fingertip as if it hadn't a care in the world. Normally anything sane would have fled in the face of such killer intent, but I didn't care about that insect right now.

"N-N-Naruto," I start, my teeth chattering in fear as he looks toward me, blinking slightly as the dragonfly takes flight when he moves his hand.

"Hai, Momoiro-san?"

"D-d-don't y-y-you f-feel t-th-that?"

He gives me a quizzical look before enlightenment dawns on his face.

"Oh, why of course Momoiro-san."" he murmurs before raising his voice as he looks towards the man on the sword. "It feels like a cool spring breeze washing over me, don't you think so Momochi Zabuza-san?"

The man growls down at him before jumping down and freeing his sword, I see it coming towards me but I can't move. I get lucky as my jelly legs collapse and I sink to the ground, the blade missing my head by inches. I feel wetness between my legs and know that I've finally soiled myself; I turn crimson, embarrassed.

I scramble back out of the range of attack as Kakashi-sensei jumps in to engage Zabuza in combat, I watch Sasuke move around to protect Tazuna-san as I shakily get to my feet and Naruto motions to me.

"Draw a kunai, Momoiro-san. Don't be foolish and think that you will not need one, you never know what you will have to do to protect your village."

I didn't notice it right then, but he had said "your" not "our", when I thought about it later it was too late to say anything. I pull a kunai from my pouch with shaking hands, not wanting to think of what I might have to do, and join Sasuke and Naruto in protecting Tazuna-san.

-

Kakashi was engaging Zabuza in what looked to be a pointless fight. Yes, Kakashi was a jounin of Konoha, yes, he became an ANBU captain at eleven, yes, he knew over a thousand jutsu, but you forgot one thing:

Zabuza was significantly more experienced, he had at least ten more years on the jounin.

And that is why we were in the situation that we were in now, our sensei trapped in a water bubble, the fool, I was still wondering why he could breathe. It didn't agree with the laws of physics, of course, Dai didn't either.

Zabuza couldn't take his hand from the jutsu, lest it disappate, so he did what any decent shinobi with knowledge of how the Samehada works would've done (he 'was' one of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Nananin Shū after all) and created a vacuum with his chakra to leech our teacher's chakra out into nature. It was quite the sight, quite beautiful in fact, well, until Kakashi collapsed, looking quite dead. **1**

"Well, well, now you don't have anyone to protect you, little Konoha genin. So what will you do?" he asks, stepping away from Kakashi's prone body and bathing us in killer intent once more. I yawn inwardly while idly entertaining the idea of letting Kakashi drown before remembering that it could take months to get another sensei, so I discreetly turn him over with chakra strings. "Guess you'll be the next ones to die."

He lunges towards us as Karasu stabs himself in the leg, I recognize his distraction for what it is and use it to pull Momoiro and Drinky out of the range of attack as he rises back up quickly and tries to slash Zabuza across the chest. He doesn't succeed however, as Zabuza quickly reverses his Zanbatou to block and then slam it into Karasu's exposed torso.

Luckily, (I didn't want to have to find 'another' teammate) Karasu had the foresight to use a Kawarimi and has appeared a few feet before Kakashi, hefting him up. I curse him for his stupidity as Zabuza throws his sword towards him as though it were a boomerang, Karasu ducks, but not fast enough as the sword cleaves off his free right arm at the antecubital joint. The scream of pain and subsequent blood flow was enough to make me frown.** 2**

"Momochi Zabuza-san..." I sigh, the man looking at me after catching his sword once more. He doesn't even bother to attack, just looks at me with a bored expression on his face. Obviously he didn't think me a threat.

Foolish.

I stand up, putting our client and my useless female teammate behind me as Karasu manages to cauterize his wound with a fire jutsu. "You should not have done that. While I am not a fan of his attitude, Karasu-san is my teammate. You've harmed him and thus managed to greatly hinder his effectiveness in future battles, I cannot stand for that. Thus, for the removal of his arm, I deem your life forfeit."

I inwardly sigh, I 'really' didn't want to take action, but my teammates were so unfailingly weak.

They were pathetic.

I draw my katana just in time to block a strike from his Zanbatou and he attempts to cut my head in two.

"Oh ho ho, good gaki, but let's see you dodge this!"

He pulls a aikuchi wakizashi from a hidden sheath in the bandages around, it had to be a terribly thin sheath for it to be nearly invisible underneath the covering. I have no time to react as he stabs me in the side of the head with the wakizashi, laughing.

I start laughing too as my body's outer chakra shell breaks down to reveal Noriko hidden underneath. It was ever so slightly difficult to control her from my current position and state but I managed to push Zabuza into a point where he had to be rescued by the lackey I'd sensed earlier lest he was killed.

"Kiri Oinin-san." I state quietly, using Noriko's mouth as a medium for my ventriloquism and waiting until the woman turns towards me. "You are interesting. Be wary please."

It wouldn't due to lose such a heavy container of Living Chakra.

I smile; shifting back into my original form from that of the dragonfly as she disappears, accidentally crushing Drinky's discarded hat which I had been resting on, and walk up to my team.

Momoiro is attempting to bandage Karasu's stump of an arm without looking at it too closely. I notice from his slight winces of pain that she's pulling them too tightly and move to assist, numbing and cutting away the blackened skin with a kunai to re-heal it properly before having Noriko hoist Kakashi upon her back for the trip back to Drinky's home. Karasu makes a point of ignoring me after I heal his arm and I am content with that, I didn't want to waste what little Living Chakra I had with me making a new arm for him anyway.

::Tazuna's House::

Kakashi was currently resting in a bed, hopefully regaining his lost chakra while my teammates and I were downstairs eating. I could barely contain my disgust for the excrement that passed for food here. I realized they were poor, but honestly. Unseasoned fish, bread cooked in ashes (with what tasted like sawdust for a filler), and black beans with gravel still among them does not a meal make. I almost broke a tooth eating the beans, managing to choke down the dry bread with a little water before standing up and taking my dishes to the sink.

"I thank you, for your _wonderful_ meal Tsunami-san, if you'll excuse me?"

She must not have caught my sarcasm because she smiles and nods, thanking me and apologizing for the quality.

I walk outside; heading towards a nearby clearing to the sound of my tenant's chuckling.

"Be silent tenant."

::Clearing::

I sit down with my legs crossed, unsealing Noriko once more to finish up some modifications to the seals on her mask. I lift it off, revealing the poison mechanisms inside.

"Poor Noriko-san, if only you'd listened to me. You had such a pretty face too." I murmur as I begin searing another seal into the matrix. "Do you know how much it pained me to peel it away?"

I work a few more seals into the mask, half-focused as I stare off into the distance at an approaching figure.

"Such a pretty face...Kiri Oinin-san..."

I feel her confusion through her signature as she walks up to me, dressed in a simple pink kimono.

"Kiri?" she asks me, sitting down before me as though I were not her enemy. "I have no ties to Kiri; I have lived as a medicine peddler in this village since my mother died. It's not good money, since everyone is poor, but I enjoy helping."

"You fool no one Kiri Oinin-san, I recognize your signature. I told you to be wary, not idiotic." I reply, not lowering my guard as I continue to carve seals into the mask. I watch as a butterfly lands on the girl's outstretched finger and smile as it changes into a myriad of snakes to surround her. "Although I suppose I could just take you now. My tenant tells me that you have quite the interesting bloodline. A very useful bloodline."

"Oh really?" I hear a slightly deeper voice whisper into my ear as I feel the pinprick of a senbon at my throat. "And just how do you intend to do that?"

The girl in front of me melts into water, Mizu Bunshin then. I sigh and replace the mask onto Noriko's faceless frame before shifting into a tick to get free.

"You are good Kiri Oinin-san." I tell her as I pull Noriko to her feet and walk away using chakra strings. "But I am better."

I watch as the now confused girl gasps, blood spraying from a shallow cut on her breast where my sword has left its mark. She would live...and I would figure out why her mental presence projected itself differently to my tenant in those last few moments.

I couldn't help but smile.

-

Kakashi awoke this morning and was forced to use some crutches Momoiro fashioned for him from some old wood lying around. He was still determined to train us however, so off we went into the forest to learn _tree-walking._ My disgust knew no bounds here as I sniffed and channeled chakra to my feet easily, using the bare minimum to adhere myself to the bark.

Once again, it was about the nature of the chakra and not the amount, chakra was naturally in nature and once you've expelled it from your body it wants to do nothing more except bond back with itself. If you force it, you get results like Karasu's, blowing yourself away from the tree, if you do not let it meld long enough, then you fall, like Momoiro. I was tempted to simply act as though I were failing this exercise but I had more important things to do, so I placed my foot upon the tall pine tree and began to walk at a quick pace. I didn't stop until there was a loud clicking sound from down below and the smell of blood, perhaps we'd been attacked? I let go of the thin hold, thanking the tree as I freefall through the branches and back towards earth, reinforcing my legs with chakra as I land from the nearly thirty foot drop and come up from my crouch with my sword in hand.

"What happened?" I ask, keeping my senses open as I stand on guard, watching Kakashi for any signs of fatigue as I gazed around the clearing with a wary eye. He motions for me to stay silent, Momoiro and Karasu doing the same as the sound of clicking reaches my ears again. I frown, remembering that particular pattern, but why was Syujin here?

I don't have time to ponder as the odd man comes out of the woods, the wooden beetle he's riding in clicking rhythmically as it was when I first met him two years ago.

::Flashback::

"Hey gaki-sama!" the yellow skinned man calls out to me in greeting as I head back towards the village proper from the forest.

"Hello Jii-san, did you need something?" I ask, turning to face him, my sword held carefully towards him.

"Not really, I've just been taking notice of those little things you have with you. The lady puppet for instance, do you want to know how to make her more effective?" he murmurs lowly, coming up beside me so quickly that I almost lose track of him. He smelled like turpentine and death.

"That...would be appreciated Jii-san." I reply before looking at him more fully. His head of extensive dark blue hair was jolting up high above his head and contrasted terribly with his sallow butter-like complexion, long fingernails curved over and over into spirals so tight that I wondered how he could hold his hands up and much less grasp anything without breaking them or wincing in pain. He had the face of a commoner; the only things that truly stood out were that he possessed strange eyes with red half-moon pupils while his face was riddled with scars, almost as though someone had tried to cut the top three layers of it away. The upper part of his body was severely emaciated, covered in thin white cloth looped with three thick, heavy looking chains that appeared to secure him into the wooden beetle puppet that he was riding inside. The beetle was the oddest thing, it was sanded smooth so that nothing was visible, not even the seals that I later learned were carved into it. "What will you ask of me in return?"

The odd man smiles, revealing extremely sharpened teeth with what looked to be orange wax painted over the tips.

"It's so I don't bite my tongue." he tells me, noticing the direction of my gaze, his voice was high and choppy, almost like a eunuch."I want nothing at the moment, just that you be a good student."

I nod, still not sheathing my sword as I direct him in front of me, stating directions as he walks.

"You're cautious gaki, I like that." he'd finally turned and said to me after we got to the clearing, his teeth glinting in the dying sunlight as we enter my laboratory.

::End Flashback::

_Curse you, Syujin._

"Who are you?" I hear Kakashi ask gruffly, attempting to be intimidating. Sigh, may as well diffuse the situation now before they stupidly attack him. It wouldn't due to have them attack this man, I was quite sure he could and would still solidly hand my ass to me even after all this time.

"Hello Syujin-san." I mutter, inclining my head towards him and bringing my sword to rest at my breast as I maintain my crouch, ready to attack at a moment's oddity. "Did you need something? Or are you simply...visiting?"

I watch from my peripheral vision as Momoiro relaxes upon seeing that I know the man.

Foolish.

At least Kakashi and Karasu had 'some' intelligence.

Syujin laughs, his tower of hair leaning as he tilts his head back despite the heavy weight of the chains.

"I've come to collect your debt to me, gaki-sama."

I narrow my eyes at him as he forces his way into my mind.

/Extract the Ichibi and his host's Living Chakra when you come across them, make the body into a puppet like myself, exactly like myself. Do this one task for me and I will let you have free reign over this body to do with it what you will./

I start, almost dropping my weapon at the mere prospect. The secrets contained in his body were nothing short of amazing, considering the little bit that he took the time to teach me.

"You'd better not be lying Syujin-san."

He smiles, not a nice one either.

"You know I never lie gaki-sama, your tenant tells you as such, I know."

I nod, lowering my weapon to my side as I walk up to him, Kakashi and Karasu tensing behind me. I ignore them and grasp Syujin's thin hand in my own, making a point of burning a binding seal into his chakra make-up.

"I'm holding you to that Syujin-san." I state, listening to his laughter as he fades from sight a moment later.

"Naruto."

I turn to face Kakashi, a calm look pasted onto my features.

"Yes sensei?" I reply, putting a subtle note of subordination into my voice. _We will talk about this later if you please._

"No more visits from family on missions." _You're definitely explaining later._

"Of course Kakashi-sensei." _If by explain you mean lie, then by all means, yes I will._

**Notes of the Footed Kind**

**1 **. **Kiri no Shinobigatana Nananin Shū**- Seven Swordsmen of the Mist; Hoshigaki Kisame, Zabuza Momochi and Kurosuki Raiga are currently the only known members of this group. The whereabouts of the former and the latter are currently unknown.

**2** . Antecubital joint- for you non-science folk, that's your elbow.

-

Anaki: Okay, I've hit a dead end here, so I'm gonna go ahead and post it! Like a note!

RC16: A Post-it Note?

Anaki: Yes!

RC16: -sigh- I need a drink.

Anaki: -blinks- Why?

RC16: 'Cause you're an idiot, that's why.

Anaki: -sniffles-

RC16: Oh don't start...

Anaki: -cries-

RC16: GODDAMNIT!

RC17: Um...review?


	9. I Walk Among the Waters: Stage Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

-

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: I don't know when I'll pick back up on CYDU to be honest. I'm in the process of overhauling the entire series, starting with chapter one of TFTP, you'll see. It'll go smoother than it's running, with more explanations or all that. Now, for this one! Yes, I am aware it's been awhile, I do have a life in the real world too. I will try and focus on the thoughts of other characters from this point on. Also, at the moment Dea7hly Jes7er, there's no pairing. There may or may not be as time goes on, I haven't really decided yet.

I don't really like this chapter tbh, and it's not just because of what happens in it.

WARNING: Character death in this chapter.

-

I see

Not there

Nor away

Close by

Find me

I shall keep

You Safe

Little One

_Knaji_

-

**Chapter Seven: I Walk Among The Waters: Stage Two**

:Tazuna's Home:

It was a chilly morning when Inari was taken, well, kidnapped is the correct term. Karasu had been left behind to protect the child and his mother while Kakashi, Momoiro, and I went to protect the bridge workers. I was tempted to convey my feelings on the subject but Kakashi would not have listened anyway, stubborn man that he is.

So when Karasu arrived at the bridge later that morning with the unfortunate news, I was unfazed. Drinky, on the other hand, was livid. Understandable, mind you, who would not be upset if their only grandchild went missing?

It was his reaction that left me completely unsympathetic however.

"How could you let them kidnap my only grandchild?! What kind of fucking ninja are you?!" he growls, actually picking up Karasu by the scruff of his collar.

I sigh, tapping a pattern on one of my scrolls idly.

"Tazuna-san. Please release my teammate." I intone, releasing a bit of my tenant's killer intent before continuing as Karasu is set to rights. "With any mission there is a measure of risk involved to the clients and the protectors. I suspect someone overpowered Karasu-san to take the boy, they were probably more powerful than him, seeing as he hasn't had time to get used to the fact that he is now missing an arm. Judging by the shallow wounds on his torso and the contusion on his temple, I am guessing it was a couple of low-level samurai using dull swords, which only makes it more pathetic."

I ignore Karasu's glare, which only confirms my hypothesis, and continue my diatribe.

'To be truthful, we are not equipped to handle this mission at the level it became earlier on, but we decided to regardless. Had you not decided to deceive the village in the first place, this mission could have been done within an hour of a proper jounin or ANBU team's arrival. You have us, thus, you will have to deal with the mistakes of inexperience. Bear in mind that we could've left you and gone back to Konoha days ago. Now please, return to building your structure or at least be silent while we look for your _bright, sunny dispositioned _grandchild."

I turn swiftly on my heel, giving my back to the infuriated drunkard and he chooses that moment to heave a thick chunk of discarded rock at the back of my skull. I couldn't help but wonder if my 'teammates' simply let it hit me because they knew I wouldn't be phased or if they were embarrassed by my previous display. I doubted they were smart enough to know the former. Either way the rock hit solidly into the back of my skull, breaking on contact with the metal plate I'd placed there a while back when I'd begun modifying my arms. I shook my head once to dislodge any debris and went on my way.

-

I liked testing things out at night. It gave me the silence and solitude I needed to concentrate and tease Dai to no end. The moon was pleasant company, as was my tenant...most days.

I give a derisive snort at my tenant's idiotic question.

"Of course not, do you believe me stupid?" I reply, shaking my head as I pull the kusarigama from the space behind my unhinged ear and begin to swing it slowly, testing the length and tautness. "It doesn't interfere with the inner pieces of my skull, had you paid attention, you'd notice that I've used some small seals to subshift space and store the weapons."

My tenant flares chakra in anger and I sigh, listening to the newest tirade.

"Yes, I am aware he's my comrade, however that doesn't...Yes, I 'would' like to reach my goals before the end of time...Alright, alright, I'll do it. Just please be silent."

I sigh to myself, opening my lab.

I hate helping people I don't like.

But I'll be damned if I give the arrogant little child anything for free.

My tenant laughs, giddy at getting its way.

Shut up tenant.

-

**Sakura**

It pained me to watch Sasuke attempting to aim at his targets with only one arm, his non-dominant arm at that. He had been throwing kunai for the past half hour and only one had hit the target so far. I watched as yet another kunai flew off into the trees, but unlike the other times I hear a grunt of pain along with it.

"Honestly Karasu-san, please learn some restraint or accuracy. Or both." Naruto quips cheerily as he comes out of the forest, the kunai embedded deeply into his shoulder, blood dripping from the wound slowly. I gasp, ignoring my anger at his earlier comment, hurrying over to him.

"You're hurt! Here, give me your arm!"

He laughs loudly, sending a shiver down my spine, but I must've looked confused because he simply pulls his other hand from behind his back and hands me an arm.

Literally.

I scream, dropping it to the ground hurriedly, trying to wipe the feeling of the cold, clammy skin off my hands. Naruto sighs deeply, pinching his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

"Do you have any idea how _delicate _the components of that mechanism are?" he murmurs irritatedly under his breath as he bends down to get the limb and check it over.

"Mechanism?"

Was it fake?

"Yes, Momoiro-san. Me-cha-ni-sm. Must I spell it out for you? It's a highly delicate and complicated piece of chakra tuned machinery that one such as yourself could never hope to understand even if I were to beat it into your lovestruck fangirl skull. " he grumbles out, probably thinking that I can't hear him and I frown, forgetting myself for a moment as I punch the kunai in his shoulder to drive it in deeper in retaliation.

_Take that asshole, shannaro!_

He hisses in pain and I come back to myself before apologizing.

"I'm so sorry! Let me take that ou-"

"Leave it be. I'll remove it later Momoiro-san." he tells me and I flinch at the coldness of his voice and gaze as he gestures to Sasuke-kun. "Karasu-san. Please come here."

Sasuke-kun gives him a look of skepticism, but makes his way over to our creepy, injured teammate, standing about five feet away. Naruto sighs, gesturing again impatiently.

"I said come _here_ Karasu-san, not stand a few feet away from me. Now, please do so, I haven't all day to pander to your ego." Sasuke-kun snorts before giving our teammate a hard glare, but coming closer anyway. "This will hurt."

That was all the warning he gave before he quickly drew his sword, slicing off Sasuke-kun's stump of an arm at the shoulder (later I realized that he'd ruined the shirt he was wearing) and jamming a syringe full of an odd golden liquid into the side of his throat so swiftly that he had no time to scream in pain before he was out cold. It was all I could do not to faint at the amount of blood pouring from the boy I loved as Naruto did nothing except lay him on the ground and kneel beside him.

I resist the urge to scream, knowing that the arm in his hands was now for Sasuke and that sensei probably wouldn't enjoy seeing this...this blatant treason of attacking your own teammate.

-

I was slightly surprised that Momoiro hadn't screamed her head off when I relieved Karasu of his burden, of course, it wouldn't have made much of a difference either way, seeing as the seals I'd drawn around the clearing last night had activated with the application of my blood a few minutes prior. They were one of my finest works to date, they would make anyone outside see an empty clearing and make those with purpose forget what they were doing in the first place. All sounds from the inside were rendered mute to the outside through the use of an air vacuum.

"Momoiro-san?" I ask, turning to look at her as I force a few blood pills down Karasu's throat and effectively cull the blood supply to his shoulder temporarily with the use of pressure points. The process would take a while, thankfully Kakashi was still sleeping due to the drugged tea I gave him this morning. Syujin's invisible toxins were the best thing he taught me.

"Hai?" she finally grits out, her green eyes attempting to burn a hole into my skull.

"Stay silent and you may learn something useful."

She merely grunts as I smirk and reach over to pat her on the shin, placing a seal there that disappears without her notice.

"Good girl."

-

Carving out Karasu's nerves and attaching them to the wires in the arm hadn't been easy. Nor had folding the blood vessels and melding them together so that the liquid life wouldn't ruin the processes in the automated arm. However, I think the most annoying part was the bone. It took almost three hours to drill it inward enough so that the insert would take properly to the slot and the ball to the joint. Now all was left was to see how it worked, I had no doubt that it would cause my teammate great pain.

"Karasu-san. Awaken." I murmur, slapping him hard enough to leave a mark. Purely for my own amusement, for Momoiro was not pleased. I slap him once more as he doesn't stir. "Awaken Karasu-san."

I watch as his eyes flutter open, then widen in shock as he attempts to move. I cover my ears at the loud scream that issues forth from his mouth a mere second later. The pain had finally registered. He screams a few more times, rolling around on the ground in what must be agony, before I grow annoyed and inject him with a mild painkiller. He ceases moving at once, panting laboriously.

I calmly gather my things before running a finger down the length of his new arm all the way to the fingertips, activating the myriad of complex hidden seals with quite a bit of chakra and anchoring his own output firmly into the arm so that he will be able to use it in handseals. Nevermind for my own amusement.

"Enjoy Karasu-san." I murmur to him as I stand and begin to walk out of the clearing. "What?"

I shake my head at my own foolishness before pulling the kunai from my shoulder and throwing it at the nearby target, hitting the bullseye with little effort.

"Arigato, tenant."

-

**Kakashi**

We had found Inari's naked body strung up by the neck from a tree branch the next day. They hadn't made too much of an effort to conceal the body so it was one of the first things we saw when we headed for the clearing to train early that morning. Sakura had screamed while Sasuke had narrowed his eyes before lowering his head in prayer. I'd noticed that he'd gained a new arm, Kami knows how, but I wasn't going to bother asking so he could evade my question. I suspected Naruto had something to do with it, I wasn't ignorant to the large chunk of time I'd missed yesterday and I knew it had to have something to do with the tea I was given because that was the last thing I remembered.

Naruto simply stood there impassively beneath the boy's body, staring at it for the longest time before finally shaking his head and throwing a shuriken to sever the rope, catching the child's limp body in his arms.

"He hasn't been dead long. Rigor mortis hasn't begun to set in but his blood has begun sinking to his lower extremities and coagulating, indicating livor mortis, so I would say an hour at the least and an hour and a half at the most. He looks to have been beaten and/or tortured before he was hung, judging by the trauma on his torso and the mutilation of his face and genital area. Cause of death is asphyxiation due to a blocked airway." Naruto reports in a quiet matter-of-fact tone, giving his forensic report without so much as a grimace of disgust. "ETD: 3:57am."

"Well then, let's take the body back to Tazuna-san then, he's...not going to like this."

-

**Tazuna**

Inari...

"H-how l-lo-long?" I ask, stifling a sob from the back of my throat. This was what I had to wake up to? Kami-sama, my only grandchild... "How long has he been dead?"

"About two hours, three minutes and..." the blonde one starts but glances at the wall clock before finishing. "...forty-five seconds now, Tazuna-san. We are very sorry for your loss."

The blaise tone his condolences were delivered in made me angry to the point of boiling and had I not known he could kill me, I would've punched him in the face right then and there.

"...and are prepared to help you bury him. I will cover..."

I tuned the tall grey-haired one back out, I didn't want these ninja anywhere near my family anymore. Sure, they'd saved my life, but my grandson was dead and it was their fault.

"I-I'll -sob- b-bu-bury -hic- h-h-him." I manage to choke out, cutting him off and stumbling over my words. "Just...p-p-please l-leave us b-be for a-a-a while, ne?"

The black haired one shares a look with the blonde before all four of them nod to me and disappear out the door. I make sure they've gone before falling down next to my grandson's shrouded body to weep.

Tsunami would be heartbroken.

-

**Sasuke**

I slam Naruto up against the trunk of a tree after we finish sparring, the arm he gave me sprouting feathers and out of my control.

"What the hell did you do, you bastard?"

Naruto just grins at me, I swear if I had control right now, his smug grin would be all over the forest floor in white and red bloody little pieces.

"Why Karasu-san, I've done nothing, why would you ask that?" he replies, his voice sounding fake and as sweet as a lemon dipped in arsenic.

"Because it was working fine until you said _Kai_, you gave me this arm so I know you had something to do with it!" I hiss at him, tightening my hold on his throat hard enough to cut off his air supply. I smirk internally as I hear him gasp slightly. "Now. Fix. It."

His grin turns into a frown as he gives me a baleful look before he blinks and suddenly the spasming stops. I feel the feathers popping from my skin and watch as the float to the ground before disappearing as if they never existed.

"There you are Karasu-san." he murmurs, calmly removing my hand from his slowly bruising throat as though I hadn't been attempting to choke him to death. "Have fun...Karasu-san."

Sakura comes up to me after Naruto has disappeared from sight, asking what's wrong.

"Hn, nothing."

I didn't know what to make of it.

Naruto was a freak.

-

Kakashi stops me before I can unseal the brains of the Demon Brothers and begin to work, I suppress a sigh and turn to him, standing at attention.

"Hai, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I've noticed what you're doing and I don't like it Naruto."

I tilt my head side to side before humming to myself. Of course he noticed Karasu's arm, I am such an idiot at times. I repress the urge to snort as my tenant agrees with me.

"And just what _am_ I doing, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi simply narrows his visible eye at me and I feel a bit of killer intent directed towards me, I resist the urge to act as though I'm unaffected, willing a bit of sweat to

That was interesting.

"_Experimenting_ on your_ teammate_? _Drugging_ your _sensei_? Talking with a potential _enemy_ and _family_ during a mission? Naruto, should I decide to report all of your actions since we've arrived here you could be tried for high treason against the village and executed, do you realize this?" he asks, his visible eye showing barely restrained ire. His body was tense, strained, I could see he was still in pain from chakra exhaustion. It would be so simple...

"Hai sensei, I understand perfectly." I reply, nodding my head in acquiesce. "I give you my word that it won't happen again."

He nods tightly before turning on his heel to go, leaving me to my own devices once more.

-

Something would happen today, I could feel it as we stepped onto the bridge.

As we discovered the dead bodies of the workers, hidden beneath a thick mist, the voice of Zabuza resounded clearly.

"Sharingan Kakashi, you and your team are going to die today."

Sigh.

**Notes of the Footed Kind**

-

Anaki: The next chapter will be slightly behind this one by a few hours to two days, so get ready.

RC16: Climatic battle ahead!

Anaki: Very special chapter!

RC16: Don't miss it!

Anaki: At 8pm central on ABC!

RC16: ...

Anaki: -sweatdrops- Sorry, lil overboard there...

RC16: Duh.

RC17: Haha, review!


	10. I Walk Among the Waters: Final Stage

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

-

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Okay, I'm aware it's later than I said (and kinda short, and not very epic), but I didn't like the way the first two versions turned out so I scrapped and rewrote the entire thing.

-

So

Sad

I

Apologize

I've

Failed

You

Little One

_Knaji_

-

**Chapter Seven: I Walk Among The Waters: Final Stage**

:Bridge:

Irritation.

Severe irritation.

The false Oinin was no challenge at first.

But then she...changed, for lack of a better term.

Karasu was dead so that raised my ire, how dare she kill one of my experiments/teammates. Did she know how long it would take to get another?! On the other hand, should I manage to subdue her, I could study her bloodline at my leisure.

It was that fact alone that consoled me as I pulled my kusarigama from behind my ear and unlocked my legs, loosening the Living Chakra in my arms for a more serious battle.

My tenant warns me to be wary.

I smile.

-

I grab the end of the chain still within the seal and pull it taut around the false Oinin's torso, she grunts before melting into water.

"You cannot keep it up forever Kiri Oinin-san, I see the amount of chakra you've left in your body. Soon you won't be able to use much more for fear of death." I grin, appearing in front of the mirror she resides in and slamming my foot into it as hard as I am able. I watch as the chakra inside the mirror (Living and normal) spiderwebs, breaking the ice into shards and revealing the false Kiri Oinin for a split second before she jumps into another mirror.

I look to her reflections, noting the tremble in her frame.

"You look...shaken." I murmur softly, a smirk overtaking my features as she shakes her head in shock or disbelief. "Something the matter...Kiri Oinin-san?"

"T-that's impossible...they...they can't be broken..."

I let a grin spread across my features, surely one full of malice.

"Nothing is 'impossible' under the right conditions, Kiri Oinin-san."

My tenant was...antsy.

She wouldn't come out of this unscathed.

...I felt I could deal with a few scratches on my new experiment.

-

**Haku**

At least five of my ribs were already broken before I hit the ground, he was toying with me now. I could feel the bones shifting in my shattered jaw as a groan of pain makes it past my lips. I barely had enough chakra to keep my mirrors active (much less myself alive) and he knew it, but I couldn't give up, not here, not now. Zabuza needed me. I was his tool and I would not be thrown away so easily.

"Tsk, tsk, Kiri Oinin-san. And here I thought you could give us a challenge. Why, I even let my tenant come out to play for once and you still didn't live up to our expectations." he murmurs over my futile attempts to push myself to my knees. I could feel blood bubbling up in my throat and a painful cough sends the crimson splatter to the ground beneath my face.

He was walking over to me now and I roll over onto my back to relieve the pressure on my chest, not being able to support myself with my weak arms any longer. I take in shallow breaths, letting my head fall to the side on my uninjured cheek so that I don't drown in my own blood.

I couldn't die here.

I won't die here.

"So pitiful you are..."

This boy, this demon with red slitted eyes and a sword wrapped in green flames would not kill me here, not now.

"...Kiri Oinin-san."

Then everything turned dark for me, his voice fading in and out of my ears.

"We would kill you,"

And I realized Zabuza had been killed.

"But you're just too, too interesting."

A bone chilling laugh rings out from the demon at my side. He'd grown more grotesque, like a dog with seven thin spider arms and spider legs and curling goat horns and sharp, sharp teeth.

Maybe I was hallucinating.

Of course I was hallucinating.

I really hope I was hallucinating.

Kami-sama, he made me want to retch.

"Look at your face, Kiri Oinin-san. It reminds us of a frightened rabbit. Cornered. With nowhere to go." he tells me, his mouth stretching impossibly wide to reveal every one of his teeth, sharp and pointed like the tip of a kunai, as I fade in and out of light and dark. "Well seeing as we are your predator, you poor girl, we shall put you out of your misery and shame. After all, it is your fault your master is dead."

Such cruel words from the demon at my side.

I cannot take them.

"Go ahead and sleep, you'll be awoken soon. We cannot guarantee that it will be a pleasant awakening, but awoken you will be."

I listen.

Anything is better than a world without my master.

-

"Disappointing." I sigh, my voice smooth and deeper with the taint of my tenant's chakra as I begin first aid treatment on my new experiment, finishing quickly and sealing her into a stasis scroll. I had no doubt that her bloodline would allow her to survive the cold temperature. "She will be in need of severe conditioning before she is of any use to me."

I tilt my head to the side to look at Karasu, nodding.

"Yes. He's not as injured as I first thought, pressure points, superficial damage. Mild paralyzation for a few days due to what appears to be a temporary death state." I nod to myself. "Debilitating, but in no way fatal. Did you at least get a clearer look as to the workings of her mental state tenant?"

I shake my head, a slight smile making its way to my face.

"Wonderful, I've always wanted to experiment with a schizophrenic. " **1**

Now, where was my third teammate, the useless sack of flesh that she is?

"Sasuke-kun!" she screams, coming into my field of vision as she throws herself over his motionless body. "Sasuke-kun, please wake up!"

Ah, there we are.

-

**Sakura**

Oh Kami-sama, pleasedon'tbedead, pleasedon'tbedead, pleasedon'tbedead Sasuke!

"Please move, Momoiro-san." I hear a voice behind me murmur quietly but firmly. I turn to see _something _making its way towards me. It sounded like Naruto but that was it, it didn't resemble my creepy teammate in any way, shape, or form. It was all I could do not to faint on the spot. "Well, Momoiro-san, are you going to move so that I might provide aid to Karasu-san?"

I can't do more than stutter, which causes it to give me a steady look of annoyance before realization dawns on its features and it shifts into Naruto.

"Genjutsu. Now _please_ stand aside, Momoiro-san, he _will_ become permanently paralyzed if left in that state much longer." he states as he pushes past me and begins to pull the needles from Sasuke's body with a precision only seen in the most focused medic nin. He was so cold, so fake, but he acted as though he actually cared about what happened to us when we got hurt.

Even when Sasuke lost his arm he went through the trouble of making him another, but when he wasn't healing us he was being sarcastic, mean and downright creepy. Actually he was all of those when he was healing us to be honest, he just seemed to care a little more.

I just didn't get him.

"Why are you like this?" I ask absently before slapping a hand over my mouth as I realize what I just said.

He doesn't pause in his work but I notice a twitch that shows he heard me.

"Like what, Momoiro-san?"

I explode, not caring what he thinks now that I can speak my mind.

"Like this! You're an asshole to us at the best of times, you have this air of complete disregard for what we might think or do until we get hurt and then you're all over us like a mother hen! You even went so far as to fix his arm!" I scream, pointing to the arm attached firmly to Sasuke's shoulder as though it were the original. "It was severed through the bone and you went and made him-mmmph!"

I start to choke on my own words, literally, unable to say anymore as my throat seems to seal shut. I watch as Naruto pauses in his work to come over to me and lean down to my ear.

"You, Momoiro-san, need to watch what you say." he murmurs softly before going back to tending to Sasuke-kun.

I didn't understand what he meant, but I stop trying to speak and my throat unsticks itself.

"What the hell was that Naruto no baka?!"

_Yeah! What the fuck?!_

He doesn't reply or stop what he's doing and I frown.

"I'm talking to you dammit! What the hell did you do to me asshole?!"

_Kick his ass now, he's been begging for it since we met!_

He continues to ignore me, even as I go to punch him in the back of his egotistical, over-inflated head.

I don't get the oppurtunity though before I am grabbed from behind by a pair of arms.

"Sakura, why are you about to launch an unprovoked attack on your unprotected teammate that appears to be 'helping' your downed teammate? Hm?" Kakashi-sensei asks me calmly, a hint of anger in his voice. I gulp, starting to explain before Naruto cuts me off.

"Oh, she's not doing anything wrong, Kakashi-sensei, that's just her nature. It's basic programming, you know? That primal instinct that lies in all animals, once they feel threatened, they lash out. That's all she's doing, though I haven't threatened her at all so I cannot imagine why she's attacking me." he states matter-of-factly, pulling the final needle from Sasuke's body and hoisting him up onto his back. "Either way it is of no conseqeunce, just as long as she doesn't make the same error as a former teammate of mine, all is well, ne? Now shall we return to Tazuna-san's home? I need to provide proper care to Karasu-san, and I'd rather it be in a more sterile enviroment. I trust we are done here, unless I could be allowed to gather Momochi Zabuza-san's head for the bounty? I fear his accomplice fell over into the water and drowned after I caught her in a Genjutsu."

I was torn between being pissed that he called me an animal and grateful that he covered my butt.

Kakashi-sensei nods to him and I speak up as Naruto goes out of earshot.

"What happened with his old teammate?"

Kakashi-sensei frowns as he lets me go and answers in a tight tone.

"He was given to Naruto as a slave because he beat him within an inch of his life."

**Notes of the Footed Kind**

**1 **. I actually considered ending this chapter right then and there, but I figured it'd be very cruel after taking so long with the update in the first place.

-

Anaki: Short, and Sakura's kinda nutso at times.

RC16: Yep

Anaki: They'll be back in Konoha next chapter.

RC16: Uh-huh.

Anaki: Are you even listening to me?

RC16: :| Not really.

Anaki: Because...?

RC16: Damnit woman, shut up! God, you're ruining porn time!

Anaki: ....Oh.

RC16: -.- Yeah.

Anaki: ....What kinda porn?

RC16: -sigh-

RC17: Review!


	11. An Idle Mind is Naruto's Playground

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

-

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: _**School, college to be more exact, is starting. My updates may dwindle to once a month or every two months or not at all for a while. I don't know yet, just bear with me if you will.**_ Also, yes, I do realize the last three chapters are proly still labeled "seven" in the chapter itself. I may or may not go back to change those, I'm sure none of you would've noticed had I not said anything. I do believe we're way overdue for that gore I've been promising, ne? I'm feeling a bit violent.

**WARNINGS (possibly the next four or so chapters): Bloodshed, dismemberment, decapitation, very descriptive disembowelment, hostage situations, violent interrogations, and topping everything off is some lovely character death drizzled in sinister plot development.**

-

Dear

You Make

Me

Laugh

I Fear

You

Think

That You

Have

A Choice

_Knaji_

-

**Chapter Eleven: An Idle Mind is Naruto's Playground**

:Konohagakure, Hokage's Office:

We'd finished reciting our reports to the letter and were currently waiting on Sarutobi to dismiss us. I was elated to see him, but that didn't make me any less antsy. I longed to return home and prepare my newest experiments. I hadn't the slightest clue what I would do with the lumps of gray matter once I'd extracted the information from them, but I was sure I'd come up with something.

Nevermind that I had a girl to break.

"Naruto?"

"Hai, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I would like for you to explain to Hokage-sama your hasty actions in killing the two Chunin Mist nukenin."

And now a cyclopian bastard to kill.

"I simply did what was best, Hokage-sama." I murmur placidly to a silent Sarutobi as my teammates look on. Momoiro was a strange shade of green and Karasu radiated what I assume was jealousy. "I interrogated them for information and when they yielded no more truths, I killed them as per protocol. Everything Ibiki-san and Anko-san taught me to do."

I smile inwardly as Sarutobi nods to me, giving his approval for my methods.

"Good job Naruto. However, in the future, please wait until Kakashi gives you the green light before killing your victims." he states in an authorative voice, though he and I both knew that I'd disobey that order given the first chance.

"Hai, Hokage-sama."

He nods once more, this time to all of us.

"Turn your written report in to Shimizu-san on your way out." he gestures towards the hall where his secretary is. "Team Seven dismissed."

We walk out of Sarutobi's office and give our reports to his blonde klutz of a secretary Yamanaka Shimizu, before heading outside. However, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your bias, Kakashi pulls me aside and sends my teammates on their way.

Sigh.

-

**Sasuke**

"Is your arm okay, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asks as she follows behind me like always.

"Hn." I reply absently, not really listening to her words. I was too busy thinking about the look on Naruto's face before we left him with Kakashi, he looked...pleased.

And I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why.

-

**Kakashi**

"I don't like your attitude Uzumaki. I don't like it at all." I tell him as I lead him to one of the more isolated training grounds. It was time to bring this Genin, son of my late Sensei or not, back to reality. "So we're going to have a little sparring session to teach you your place. This will consist of purely Taijutsu and Kenjutsu, aside from that, _anything_ goes until K.O or surrender. Understand?"

I watch as he nods, but doesn't bother to get into any stance. I idly wondered if my emphasis on 'anything' had anything to do with it until I watched him pick pebbles off the ground and throwing them around the clearing as if bored.

I had to fight the urge to belt him upside the head right then and there. I could see what Sasuke and Sakura meant now when they said he was irritating.

"Before we begin, _sensei..._" he starts, the word 'sensei' coming from his lips like a particularly foul word. "Might we wager a bit?"

I raise an eyebrow, almost stunned at his arrogance, but allowing him to continue.

"If I were to...win, this spar, you would permit my team to take the upcoming Chunin Exams." he states, continuing quickly before I have the chance to interject. "However, should you win, I will follow your orders without question, for the rest of the time that I am your subordinate."

Oh, this was too good to pass up. Him, beat a seasoned ex-Konoha ANBU turned Jounin?

The very idea was laughable.

"Sure Uzumaki, you've got a deal."

-

**Author**

_The way that Naruto cut down Kakashi was nothing short of methodical and boring from his point of view. I'm certain Kakashi had a purely horrific time believing that he was being beaten by what he believed to be a mere slip of a Genin. However, if you know Naruto like you think you do, then you already know that he's never really been a Genin in either skill or mind._

"Katon: Ryuuka!" the copy-nin screams out, his throat raw and in pain from being hit with the butt of Naruto's sword hilt not once, but multiple times. The young blonde is engulfed in a dragon made of flames before appearing behind his sensei a mere second later, a disapproving look on his features.

"So terrible, sensei..." he murmurs softly as the Jounin turns, both eyes, Sharingan and normal, widened in shock and disbelief. "To break your own rules."

_I didn't even sense him! How can he hide such massive chakra on a whim?! How can he be so fast?!_

Kakashi, so lost in his thoughts, nearly misses dodging Naruto's sword swing to his unprotected back. He flips forward a few times to get out of the range of his katana but in doing so, he hits a few low power land mine seals that Naruto had inscribed onto some pebbles early on.

Needless to say, the results were not pretty.

"Of course, we 'are' shinobi, are we not, Kakashi-sensei? So what are we but gutless cheaters?" he tells the injured man with a malicious grin starting to make its way across his features. Kakashi attempts to stay calm but adrenaline is racing through his veins like that of a frightened rabbit, carefully locating his four blown off fingers in their respective pools of blood (two index, left ring and right thumb) and pocketing them for the iryounin to heal later, taking a clotting pill to stem the blood flow to his fingerless stumps. "Of course, what are a few fingers to someone like you, hm?"

Kakashi, bleeding from numerous shallow cuts, three non-fatal torso stab wounds, and fingerless, prepares to say something, but Naruto is immediately in his personal bubble with another attack heading for his shoulder, not giving him the chance to surrender.

_No, no, sensei. There will be no surrendering for you, haha. It's time I taught 'you' a lesson._

Thankfully, for Naruto, Kakashi, the Hokage (through his cute little crystal ball thing), and the ANBU now watching the fight take place, remain oblivious to his thoughts. Else he would be a dead man right now.

The fight continues in this strain a while longer, Kakashi getting his ass kicked by his own student, all the while wondering exactly how it was possible. Naruto, cutting him down stoically, ecstatic at the chance to finally let go against the man that he never saw as a proper sensei in the first place. Of course, that was his own doing through the use of chakra.

He wouldn't have bothered to use it if his 'sensei' had followed his own rules. Not that the outcome would've been any different.

What Kakashi didn't know was that the tea Naruto had given him in Wave was not only a sedative, it was also a remote control to his entire body. It was quite possible to inscribe seals (that would disperse themselves into the water with the tea itself) into the crushed tea leaves, which is exactly what Naruto took the time and considerable effort to research and apply in earnest.

The seals acted as microparasites, attaching themselves to the inside of the body, working their way through the bloodstream, nervous system, and other bodily fluids where they could be activated all at once or in a nerve cluster. Naruto hadn't come up with a name for it yet, but he was quite content to see that they worked to no ill effect. He could trip up his sensei and mess with his mental acuity all at once thanks to the glucose and proteins being passed through the BBB. **1**

Of course, if he could beat Zabuza to the point of death, then of course, _Kakashi_, with significantly less experience than the Kiri Jounin, would be no problem for the boy.

And that was _without _the tea.

Such is the power of our prodigy Jinchurikki.

Now doesn't that say something about the other Konoha shinobi?

-

Well, that was fun. I have to admit, I thought Kakashi would be a bit more challenging. Still, it was a good experiment in restraint. I had many opportunities to relieve him of his head but I refrained. It amazes me what passes for shinobi in this pitiful excuse for a village.

Honestly, I was quite aware the toxins were invisible, but all shinobi should know to charge any drinks from an outside source with chakra to remove anything foreign, and that includes foreign chakra signatures. Had Kakashi done that, he wouldn't be in the hospital with a concussion, six broken ribs, four blown off fingers, torso wounds, a busted ear drum, a crushed larnyx, and a broken wrist and ankle.

In fact, that could have very well been me in his place.

He'd be fine, I made sure to request Kotimo and Aki for his medical detail, couldn't have my sensei incapacitated after all, now could I? I might have use for him later.

I'd finished explaining things to a slightly furious Sarutobi, making sure to stress Kakashi's rules before the fight even began. I was pleased to note that I was backed by the cat masked ANBU codenamed Senbei. **2**

Sarutobi had sighed, I could sense his disappointment with me, and dismissed me. I would make it up to him later, I hated to see him like that when it concerned me.

I needed to get back home and check on Maki, I was certain Anko had scared the poor dear. Nevertheless, I was ecstatic.

After all...

I was going to the Chunin Exams.

-

"Tadaima, Anko-san!" I call out as I enter the house, I don't get a chance to move out of the way before I am tackled by my exuberant...friend.

Yes, Anko was a friend wasn't she? I finally felt I could trust her after six years.

"Gaki!" she squeals as she hugs me tightly to her chest, I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "I actually missed you, gaki, you know that? And that evil thing you call a housecat has been attacking me while I slept, I swear she was channeling you."

I nod, not bothering or getting the option to return her embrace as she lets me go. I grace her with a light smile, holding up a scroll.

"I'll start dinner Anko-san, how does _Hasenpfeffer mit Kartoffel _sound?" **3**

Anko gives me a blank look and I just grin in return.

"You'll love it, trust me."

**Notes of the Footed Kind**

**1 **. BBB - Blood/Brain Barrier: a separation of circulating blood and cerebrospinal fluid maintained by the choroid plexus in the central nervous system. Endothelial cells restrict the diffusion of microscopic objects (bacteria) and large or hydrophillic molecules into the cerebrospinal fluid, while allowing the diffusion of small hydrophobic molecules (O2, hormones, CO2). Cells of the barrier actively transport metabolic products such as glucose across the barrier with specific proteins.

_Or, for you non-science folk_: It separates yer brain from yer blood lest it fuck shit up. And only allows things through that help your metabolism (glucose, which is sugar), oxygen, hormones, and proteins that help your body do its thing. When you're bleeding into your own brain from head trauma, then you know the BBB has failed you. Brain damage is ny.

**2. **Senbei are japanese rice crackers that can be savory or sweet. They're normally eaten with green tea as a snack. Personally I think they taste weird but to each his own. My ANBU will either have animal or food names, mainly as a cute bit of originality to my fics.

**3.** _Hasenpfeffer mit Kartoffel _is a german dish which is basically stewed or fried rabbit with bacon and potatoes. It sounds pretty tasty if I do say so myself.

-

Anaki: Thanks for all the reviews, especially you Starry. And as you all can no doubt tell, this is mostly a filler chapter for the violence that is to come. If you thought the spar between Kakashi and Naruto made Kakashi out to be the bad guy, then I'm glad, 'cause that's what I'm going for. If it seemed too unrealistic, I'm sorry, but you can see that I have tried to rationalize it a bit.

RC16: -yawn- Um...what she said.

Anaki: Oh, 16, you can go home dude, I know it's been a long fucking week.

RC16: Sweet. -disappears-

Anaki: Do your thing 17 then you can head off too. We gotta get ready for school next week!

RC17: 'Kay! Review everyone, and hope that our workload will be light enough for us to give you an update next month!


	12. What Does Not Kill You, Makes You A

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

-

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Yes, I am quite aware it's been a few months. I'm fine btw, thanks for asking. But really, college eats up most if not all of my free time. That and having a social life. So yeah. Anyway, the warnings from the previous chapter apply, enjoy.

Also, let me make something **very** clear: I do own certain elements of the story. One such example is Living/Dead Chakra. (You can see evidence in my other stories.) So if you would like to use them, expand upon them, by all means feel free, I do not mind. I only ask that you credit me in your disclaimer.

And another thing, in this fic, Anko has not been inducted into the T&I unit. She is a stranger to torture and the things Naruto has done shock her. In fact, she will never be drafted by Ibiki. She was made a Tokubetsu Jounin because of her long-range combat skills, not because of T&I as in canon. So do not accuse me of making her into a pussy.

**WARNING: See beginning A/N: previous chapter. I hate repeating myself.**

-

Hate is Such

A Mean

Word

But Love

Is A

Lie

_Knaji_

-

**Chapter Twelve: What Does Not Kill You, Makes You A Sociopath**

:Outskirts of Konoha, Forested Area:

It is October the Tenth. I do believe every villager hates this day with a passion. That's the day my tenant attacked. It was also the day I was born. I have never felt a need to celebrate my birthday. I just acknowledge the fact that the body I am inhabiting is getting slightly older and closer to decay. I have already divined the secret to immortality, so I am not worried about dying of something as simple as old age.

Now everything else, that's another issue entirely.

"No, Warai-san, that is incorrect. Watch my movements and adjust yourself as such."

What was I doing at three am on the morning of my birth?

Training my apprentice of course.

Or rather, 'beating the shit out of him' is the proper term. He was still learning the forms and had difficulty using them in a proper spar due to his steadily growing body. My tenant was helpful to me in that regard, always keeping me on my center of balance, but I digress.

He was a quick learner. I had only been training him for six months and he already had the basics of my improvised fighting style down. Granted, it would take him a number of years to learn how to properly extract Living Chakra and modify himself as would be needed to use the more intricate pieces of my style, but he would have plenty of time.

I frown as he punches out sloppily, aiming for my stomach. I snap the joints in my right arm back to an impossible angle, letting the chain of chakra in it come loose and free my hand from the wrist. It swings around and behind him as quickly as a cobra, grabbing him by the leg and hoisting him into the air to hang in front of my face.

Irritation was my expression.

"Wake **up** Warai-san." I tell him firmly over his squeaks of distress. "You must pay more attention. I could have killed you thirty-five different ways just then; severing your leg and letting you bleed out through your femoral artery was one in particular that I would have been partial to, do you understand?"

I watch as he nods, but I know that he really does not.

Sigh.

Children and their need to sleep. Honestly. I would not bother to wake him so early if it was not to his (and my) eventual benefit.

I sigh, dropping him none too gently to the ground and tossing a scroll at him.

"Study that thoroughly. Practice your forms. When we meet again in a few weeks, I want you to know them by heart. And you have two things to bring to me next time. I want one essay detailing your current knowledge of the Elemental Nations, which ones possess a Kage, what their resources are, so on and so forth. It can be as long as you like. I also want an essay on your current weapons knowledge. They should both be significantly improved from last time. If I do not see any improvement, then we will have to step up the lessons portion of your training and limit the hands-on for a while. As always, I do not want you reading any books. I will know if you have disobeyed me. " I murmur softly to him, making certain my voice carries an undercurrent of warning. He nods warily, possibly remembering the first and only time he ever disobeyed me (and the subsequent punishment), before picking up the scroll and standing at attention. "You are dismissed, Warai-san."

I watch as he scurries off, back into the village, his ANBU watchers following. If he was not Sarutobi's grandson I would have turned him into something significantly more useful by now.

He had a great deal of Living Chakra.

-

**WARNING: S.S Ahead! It is not really essential to the plot, at least nothing significant other than to show Naruto's bloodlust and sadistic nature in detail. That and I'm feeling oh so terribly violent. If you do not think you can handle blood, organ removal, gore, torture, or anything of the like, then I suggest you skip down to where it says 'S.S over' and continue from there. I will not be held liable for vomit-ruined keyboards.**

"Oh Kami, please don't-GURK!" my newest experiment screams, vomiting up a mass of blood onto his chest which drips down to the floor of my laboratory. I cease my actions briefly to contemplate what I shall do with the overweight, balding shopkeeper's vocal chords before frowning and simply immersing them in a waiting jar of cryogenic solution so they will not decay.

"I do apologize greatly, Ringo Sera-san, but I have need of testing something and you just happened to attempt to 'grace' me with a gift of rotten apples today. As you have done almost every day, for the past five years. I do not enjoy having rotten fruit lobbed at the back of my head. That and I do not particularly want to hear your screams, as they give me headaches." I murmur distractedly, focusing on cutting open the man's chest despite his _incessant_ _squirming_. It was not every day that I got to do an **autopsy **on a living human being. **1**

I wanted to see if a mere human could function without a few major organs as well as how well they could stand up to torture. I had a feeling this man would not last terribly long at all.

I would start with the lungs, but first I had to crack open his sternum and shatter some ribs. Unfortunately for him, I had misplaced my only bone saw and I was itching to use my hands.

It was no great loss, especially since I _wanted_ to feel his bones break and bend beneath my fingers.

I had the power to give him life.

I had the power to take his life.

It was nothing short of _magnificent_.

"Do attempt to stay still Ringo Sera-san as this will hurt...," I tell him as I wrap my hands around his sternum, each finger in between a rib. He begins to squirm again and I smile, tightening my grip marginally. I had to gather my strength for this. I let the Living Chakra in my arms build, grow, expand into my muscles before clutching tighter, feeling the bone begin to bow under my growing force, and pulling upward. His body almost comes completely off of the table before the bone finally gives way with a loud and almost sickening crack, and then I have his sternum in my hands. "...greatly."

He screams and thrashes about, no doubt from the immense pain that comes from essentially having the entirety of your chest bones ripped from your body without anesthetics, but I strap him down even tighter, going about the breaking of a few more troublesome ribs methodically.

I was not satisfied in the least.

More had to be done, so I picked up a heavy pair of surgical scissors, watching his eyes widen and his frantic, yet subdued thrashing begin anew as I head for his chest. I give him a small smile, sharpening the otherwise dull blades with chakra and snipping the bronchial tube neatly before placing the lung I just acquired into another jar of cyrogenic solution.

I place the scissors down, wiping a thin spray of blood from my face and mask before cauterizing the bleeding wound and moving on. His breathing begins to grow a bit quicker, but not life-threatening, so I continue.

I debate whether or not to put his vocal chords back in. He looked quite angry and in pain. It would be nice to hear his opinion on things. Other scientists would never get the opinion of their subjects. (Of course, other scientists have foolish morals that would prevent them from doing this.) They would not care to hear what they had to say, but I did. I wanted to know how he felt. I needed to know when he hit his pain threshold and started spouting gibberish. I would replace them later than sooner.

"Are you hurting, Ringo Sera-san?" I ask rhetorically, trying to contain my glee as I reach into his opened body, pushing aside masses of flesh to grasp at his kidneys. I do not bother to be delicate, pulling hard on the organs and ripping them from his ventral cavity. More blood leaks into the ventral cavity before I cauterize the wounds, dropping the organs into another cryo jar. I raise an eyebrow as he shudders, letting loose the contents of his bowels. I wrinkle my nose as the sickening stench hits me before cutting off abruptly."Thank you tenant. That is quite disgusting, Ringo Sera-san...I do believe I will make you clean that up."

I tighten his bindings before replacing his vocal chords. It would take a bit before his body began to shut down. I would keep him alive with the Pure Chakra drip for quite a while.

"You little bastard! Wait 'til the police hear about this!" he begins to vent, as I cut away the seat of his pants and underwear, taking the excrement soaked pieces in my gloved hands. "When I get out of here I'm gonna-geck!"

I cut him off, shoving the filth into his mouth and holding my hand over the orifice so he has no choice but to choke it down or suffocate. He swallows, tears forming in his eyes from the pain. I remove my hand, only to punch him hard in the nose as he attempts to spit at me.

What was it with my experiments and spitting?

"You are such a bad boy Ringo Sera-san. Defecating in your clothes like that and then even trying to spit at me and cursing! What a filthy mouth! You are such an infant today." I tell him patronizingly over his moans of pain, rubbing my dirty gloved hand down the side of his face in a mockery of a caring gesture. The stench was probably putrid, thankfully my tenant had the foresight to block my sense of smell. "Now I have to clean you up and take care of you."

I crank the table he is lying on into a diagonal position before cutting off his clothing to leave him nude. I then strip off my gloves, making certain to drop them into the biohazard bin as I wash my hands and put on new ones. I finish and grab the water hose, hooking it to the sink and turning the water up as hot as possible.

For those of you that are not aware, I keep industrial grade sinks in my laboratory for medical cleaning purposes. This means that the water can reach temperatures of three thousand degrees Fahrenheit in a matter of seconds if I do not use the regulator. **2**

I will leave the rest to your own deduction.

Keep in mind that I am assuming you have a brain in that skull of yours, even if it is the size of an amoeba.

I adjust the hose's nozzle enough that the stream of water narrows so that I can aim it properly before letting the trigger go. The water stream stops as I turn towards my experiment, my tenant temporarily blocking my hearing for me as well.

Thank you, tenant.

I had no delusions that this would be pleasant.

I grasp the trigger again, pulling back as quickly as possible and letting the stream of water fly. It hits him squarely in the groin and I watch, fascinated, as the soft tissues of his penis, scrotal sack, and surrounding muscles literally 'melt' from his pelvis. The white of bone shone like a beacon in the sterilty of my laboratory. I couldn't hear his screams, but from the damage, the veins bulging in his neck and temples, and his facial expression, left me with no doubt as to the amount of pain he was experiencing at the moment.

It was really quite interesting, I could not believe that the man was still conscious though. The amount of mental strain he must be going through should be horrifying at this point. I bid my tenant to relinquish control of my hearing, immediately regretting my decision as sharp, agonizing screams fill the air. Thankfully, my tenant reacts quickly, blocking my auditory sense once more.

I sigh in relief before letting a smile cross my face as I lift my head to look at the apple seller.

"You look haggard, Ringo Sera-san." I tell him. It was strange, not being able to hear myself speak. "But, I regret to inform you, we are not finished yet."

I watch as he fights through the pain, trying desperately to loosen his bindings. I recognized the look in his eyes. He was nothing but an animal. A frightened, inferior animal that just happened to walk on two legs and have opposable thumbs.

He was a human.

He was pathetic.

Oh so pathetic. Not fit to breathe the air of the world.

I would purge him.

Cleanse the earth of them all.

They would either end up as my servants, experiments, or dead.

No exceptions.

I notice Dai coming out of an adjacent room. I didn't mind him watching, in fact, I encouraged it. He needed to learn what could happen to him if he did not listen. I frequently stressed to him that it would not be very difficult at all to anchor his soul back into his body.

And torture him to the brink of death.

I wasn't expecting him to fly swiftly at me as I turned the hose back onto the apple seller, that was my mistake, but it would soon be his.

Don't rough up his mental facilities too badly tenant, I still need an experiment capable of thinking and or problem-solving.

My tenant nods to me before starting to play with Dai. The fool would never attempt a possession of his master again after this.

I return to my work, aiming the water at his leg this time. I couldn't help but laugh as his muscles melted away, it was like watching a horror movie, except significantly more hilarious.

Hm, I am growing bored though. I sigh, shutting off the water and picking up a surgical knife before cutting off one of the apple sellers index fingers. I cauterize the stump and the end of the severed finger before heading into the next room, handing it to Maki.

She needed a good treat and I needed a break. The apple seller would be fine for a few days.

Hm.

I wonder what Anko-san is up to.

**S.S over.**

-

:Hokage Tower:

**Sarutobi**

I honestly did not know what to do. Naruto was getting worse and worse as time wore on. I had no desire to kill him, since I loved him like my own son, but what could I do?

I wonder if Anko could help him. They seemed to be very close. Perhaps she could bring him out of this...this pit of evil he was falling into.

But I would have to let her know what he had been doing, I could not let her go into this halfway.

Kami-sama, don't let this break her. Don't let her see him as I do...

As another Orochimaru...

"Shimizu-san?" I call to her through the speaker, trying to keep my voice steady even though my finger was shaking on the call button.

"Hai, Hokage-sama?"

"Please send a missive to Mitarashi Anko for a meeting with me, ASAP."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

I release the call button with a deep sigh, massaging my temples before reaching for my pipe.

"Kami-sama...please let this end well..."

-

**Anko**

I-I couldn't believe the news that Hokage-sama had just dropped on me. It was unreal. There was no way in hell it could be real. Yes, Naruto was a strange kid, but these experiments? Killing people for chakra? Turning Ronin Hiroshi into some kind of chakra construct? No way.

"Hahaha!" I laugh, playing this off as a very bad joke. I knew my laughing sounded nervous. I didn't want it to be true. Naruto was a sweet kid who had bit the bad end of the stick in life. He was like me...shunned for something he couldn't control, for something someone had forced on him, he...he couldn't be like _him_, he just couldn't! "Good one Hokage-sama! You had me going there for a minute! Now what did you really need? Someone killed? Escort mission to the Daimyo's palace? Did the Fire Lady want us to try finding her cat again?"

The Hokage's grave look doesn't change and I feel my heart literally turn to ice in my chest and skip a few beats.

"You...you're...you're not kidding...are you?"

He sighs, shaking his head at me before placing a hand over his eyes as if in pain.

"T-th-there's no way! How can you accuse him of this?! Where's your proof?!! I want proof of thi-!" He cuts me off by grabbing my hand and placing it on his crystal ball, bidding me to look into it and concentrate on Naruto. I watch intently, seeing all that he has done, all that he has hidden from me inside my own apartment, and all his smiles when he talks to me, and what he does once I leave or am asleep or otherwise occupied.

"Oh Kami-sama..." I pull away from the ball, managing to make it two steps before falling to the floor and dry-heaving. The withered husks of those women were so much like my old teacher's experiments...Gods..."H-Hokage-sama, w-what can we do? He's a little brother to me, how can I stop him from turning into a monster?! How can I save Naruto?! How can we save hi-?"

I am cut off again, this time by the opening of the doors, and behind them stands Naruto, his cat sitting nestled in his arms. A blank look adorns his face as he looks from me to the Hokage. I am unable to make myself move or wipe the look of guilt from my face. I had the feeling the Hokage was the same way. I watch as the kid I see as a brother steps across the threshold, shutting the door quietly behind him.

I could honestly say that I feared for my life. I felt like a lab rat, on my knees before him.

"So...you've been told then?"

I can barely bring myself to nod. He tilts his head to the side.

"And what do you think of me now, Anko-san?"

I try to keep the growing fear I feel from my body. Naruto, he was such a kind boy. He could have never done those things. He was my little brother. He is not a threat.

But in the back of my head I hear another voice telling me to run. His very presence screamed death, danger, destruction. His chakra felt predatory. I had never felt the waves of danger rolling off of him like this in the many years I had known him.

Me, a Tokubetsu Jounin, cowering in front of the only family I have, and a Genin at that.

I didn't know, at that time, that Hokage-sama was essentially doing the same behind me.

"I-I..." I couldn't answer, my mouth had gone drier than sand. I swallow, trying again. "I don't think any different of you Naruto."

He tilts his head again before asking the same of our leader.

The Hokage says the same, though his subtle offensive stance indicates otherwise.

"I see. I do hate that two of my most favored people not only feel the need to lie blantantly to my face, but also fear me." he replies with a small sigh of resignation. I don't protest his statement and neither does the Hokage. "Oh well. This matter shall be fixed tomorrow. I will cease my experiments on the villagers, although Ringo Sera-san is too far gone to return to any semblance of a normal life. He will need to be put down."

I watch as the Hokage nods stiffly, Naruto saluting him in the proper manner, before turning on his heel and exiting the room.

I release the breath I was holding as I am helped to my feet by Hokage-sama.

"You can still save him Anko. Just remember that he is not too far gone yet." he states before dismissing me.

I leave his office, feeling numb as I walk back to my apartment.

I wouldn't let him turn into another Orochimaru.

I swear it.

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1. **Ringo Sera is Japanese for apple seller, of course. I was going to go with Appuru Sera-san, but can you really picture this version of Naruto saying that? Really?

**2**. Yes, they actually do make sinks like this. They are used in slaughterhouses if I remember correctly.

-

Anaki: My characters are psychotic.

RC16: The character is only as psychotic as their creator.

Anaki: Wow, I need some mental help then don't I?

RC16: ...I don't wanna get killed, so no, you don't need mental help.

Anaki: Really? -sharpens a knife-

RC16: Yes, yes, really! -sweats and back away-

Anaki: Yay! -hugs-

RC16: Phew...-wipes sweat and whispers- Crazy bitch...

Anaki: What was that? -grabs knife-

RC16: Nothing!

RC17: -laughs and hugs them both- Hehe, they're so silly aren't they? Make sure you review!


	13. Interlude One

_**Interlude One**_

I'd decided to reread some of the scrolls I was given, it was always better to have a deeper understanding of the knowledge I acquired. Mind you, it only benefited me, not so much for my experiments, fragile things that they were.

I brew myself a small kettle of green tea, taking it as well as a cup with me, going into the living room to read and relax.

_**Living and Dead Chakra: Creation and Their Uses**_

_Researched, Performed, and Compiled By Kotimo Sosuke_

**Living Chakra**

***Note: To store Living Chakra, you need something that is not living, such as a wooden puppet or a chair or a lamp or something. It may not seem like it will all go, but as long as it's not alive, it will.**

**Trust me, I know shitloads more than you do.**

**Shitloads.**

Living Chakra (from here on abbreviated as L.C for short) is within all living things, most of it is contained in women, children and kittens for reasons unknown. The majority of L.C can be found in women and can be extracted in one of three ways: Ritual Sacrifice, Chakra Vortexes, and Waiting. Neither is for the faint of heart mind you, either of these can go wrong and backfire on you in a matter of ways.

Sacrificing can be hazardous to the health, never mind the high amount of Pure Chakra needed to just force the L.C from the coils before the victim breathes their last. Not recommended unless you are in possession of the Water of Life, a Jinchurikki, or in possession of a Greater Demon/Energy Being. Anyone who attempts this without any of these is subject to a very certain, very painful, very agonizing death.

Chakra Vortexes require very precise chakra control, the use of a medical grade clean room, and an even better knowledge of the human body's seven chakra extraction points. It helps to have knowledge of the eight gates as well, but it is not necessarily required. It is not recommended to use this method if you are an imbecile. Granted, almost everyone is an imbecile when compared to my intelligence, but that is besides the point. If you are an imbecile who has managed to get his or her hands on this scroll, and you use this method, _you will __**die**_, plain and simple.

Waiting is the final method. And by far the simplest if I do say so myself, although it is terribly, terribly, terribly, irrevocably slow. It merely requires a Pure Chakra drip (more on Pure Chakra in chapter 70-B), an unwilling/willing participant with a very low pain tolerance, and you shouldn't be impatient. Of course if you are then I wouldn't have given the scroll to you in the first place. And, if you've stolen this scroll from me, then the hidden lightning seals in it should be frying your ass right…about...nowish.

.

.

.

-whistles a tune-

-cuts grass-

-performs open heart surgery on my grandma, hi grammy, can I borrow five bucks?-

-cooks dinner-

-watches LOTR-

.

.

Okay! So, assuming you aren't a smoking lump of human charcoal and are still with me…? Cool! Now, onto Chapter 1.

**Chapter One**

_Ritual Sacrifice_

***Note: Using this method, Pure Chakra will manifest itself in your body automatically. WoL converts it, Jinchurikki and Greater Demons/Energy Beings are nothing but P.C.**

This is 'not' standard ritual sacrifice. There are no goat killings, women raping, or prayers to Satan, etc, etc.

No, this is pretty abnormal, even for me.

But, as I stated above, do not do this without access to the Water of Life or a Greater Demon/Energy Being. Also, if you are a Jinchurikki, feel free to go nuts.

Otherwise: YOU WILL DIE A VERY PAINFUL DEATH, CAPISCHE?

I just don't want anyone haunting me. I hate ghosts.

They're always moaning and rattling chains and wanting to take you to the past and the future for Christmas and shit. It's annoying.

Anyway...this is the quickest method for LC extraction.

First Step: Get your victim.

Second Step: Strap them down.

Third Step: Bring the wrath of hell upon their punk ass. Torture them in a myriad of creative ways, but don't kill them, just act like it. Bring up their fear as high as possible, this brings out the will to live and with that comes L.C, got me?

Fourth Step (only if you have the WoL, otherwise, skip to Five and beyond): Take five teaspoons of the Water of Life as you'll be expending at least 100 years off of your original life span. Gather up your own chakra and force every last drop of it into them, this should force the L.C from their coils (upon which time they'll die) and you should have just enough time to place it into a wooden construct before you collapse for the next month or so.

Yeah...make sure you won't be missed if you decide to use WoL.

Fifth Step (for Jinchurikki and those in possession of Greater Demon/Energy Being): First off, if you've managed to actually capture a GD/EB and trick it into helping you, I fucking applaud you, you're a goddamned genius, keep it up.

-at this point there is a small chakra animated picture of a furiously laughing Sosuke-

Whoo, that was a great laugh...yeah, I was being sarcastic, fucktard. If you have managed to get one though, good for you, but expect whatever payment it asked of you (that I'm quite certain you didn't take the time to confirm and read into for loopholes) will be slow and painful, thus you won't be able to use the chakra anyway. But, assuming you aren't a complete idiot, you're gonna do the same thing as in Step Four. Y'know, gather your chakra, force it into the victim, etc, etc.

You shouldn't collapse, especially if you're using a GD/EB, although you might be significantly drained of energy for a few days if you are a Jinchurikki.

But yeah, that's how you do that method.

I reinterate once more: DO NOT USE IF STUPID!

I hate ghosts and will have you exorcised, dammit!

I put the scroll down and resist the urge to laugh, Sosuke was such an interesting man. Humorous, sarcastic, acerbic, but interesting. Ah, next chapter...I wanted to finish before Anko got home from helping her friend Kurenai train her students so that I could have time to finish lunch. Cucumber and chicken sandwiches, a nice vichyssoise, and some lemonade would be nice.

In fact, I should start the soup and lemonade now so that it can be chilling in the refrigerator before noon.

I chop up raw potatoes, onions, and leeks, pushing the lot into the blender with a bit of milk, and put a large Dutch oven filled with chicken stock, milk, butter and cream on the stove to boil. Seasoned with salt and pepper of course. I add the pureed potato mix into the pot and leave it to boil for another hour or so.

I fill another pot full of two quarts of water, adding in twenty sliced Meyer lemons that would be made into candy later, and two cups of sugar, leaving that to heat slowly for the next half hour or so.

Now, back to my reading...

**Chapter Two**

_Chakra Vortexes_

****Note: Once again, if you are an idiot...you know what? At this point, I don't even give a shit. If you've ignored my warnings up to this point, you deserve to die.**

**Fucking retard.**

Chakra Vortexes don't require a whole lot of chakra. In fact, this method requires little to no chakra to be honest. All you are really doing is opening the seven extraction points (and the 3rd Gate: Life Gate) to siphon their L.C.

The only thing is, you have to have _**absolutely perfect chakra control **_to do so. You are essentially tearing a hole into their system and tearing out the L.C. It isn't a difficult process **if you have perfect control. **

You simply layer your hand with a thin sheen of chakra, pressing onto each of the seven points in this order:

Muladhara: The Base Chakra, located in the region between the genitals and the anus.

Svadhisthana: The Sacral Chakra, located in the sacrum.

Manipura: The Solar Plexus Chakra, pretty self-explanatory.

Anahata: The Heart Chakra, again, huh durr.

Vishuddha: The Throat Chakra, seriously? Do I need to explain that one?

Ajna: The Brow Chakra. -.-;

Sahasrara: The Crown Chakra, on the top of the head, numbnuts. How you will ever reproduce is beyond me. You'll end up fucking her urethra by mistake. Good job, you just gave your lover a bladder infection, ruptured peehole syndrome, and a fear of sex with any and all men ever again! I'm so proud son, you've become a true dumbass now. -sniff-

Now, after you've opened them all, your victim should be pretty much catatonic, so go on and touch the Life Gate, which is also located where the Heart chakra extraction point is, if not slightly to the left. You'll be rewarded with a blinding flash of light and possibly a pounding headache for a few days, but hey, you'll have your L.C within the hour.

Now, the whole clean room thing I was talking about? Yeah, you need one of those. You also need to make sure nothing is in the room with you, no animals, assistants, nothing. _**Absolute sterility**_ is imperative. Anything that disturbs the environment (other than you and the subject and enters the vortexes you are opening will rip you and your subject to shreds in a matter of seconds. That, or suck you into an alternate dimension.

Yeah.

Be careful, you scrotal sack.

It's very possible to kill yourself and everything in a twenty-mile radius with this method.

….So make absolutely sure you're nowhere near me when you decide to commit suicide and fuck it up.

I smile as I finish reading over my most preferred method for Living Chakra extraction. I put the scroll down once more, going to check on the lemonade, which is finished. I fish the lemons out with a slotted spoon, dumping them in a bowl filled with sugar and covering it with a paper towel, I would make my candy later. I slowly pour the lemonade into a pitcher, scraping what little sugar remains in the bottom of the pot in as well before stirring it and placing it in the refrigerator to cool.

The soup has come to a rolling boil but upon tasting it I can see that the potato puree has not fully cooked yet, so I toss in a bit more salt and pepper; leaving it to finish cooking.

It was now 10:15am. I would start on the sandwiches after the soup finished, they would take little time to fix.

In the meanwhile, back to my reading.

**Chapter Three**

_Waiting_

Last method is pretty straightforward and so simple that a brain-dead limbless monkey could do it, so I'm not gonna bother with the sarcasm here. Although if you are a brain-dead limbless monkey and you're reading as well as comprehending this, then that's pretty goddamned awesome.

Anyway, hook up a P.C drip (made by mixing normal chakra and L.C together then placing it into an I.V, it does the rest.) to your subject. Then start plucking hairs out of their head. When you finish the head, move on to all other hairy areas until they're _completely_ bald.

Yeas, this 'is' very time-consuming, try and get an already bald person since there can be no roots to their hair with this method.

Next, break some bones. Doesn't matter which ones, you're just trying to get their fear up. Then, play lots of scary mind games.

When they scream for you to "just kill me" or piss themselves, then kill them.

Finally, cut off the top of their skull so that the brain is exposed and wait.

And wait….

And wait….

And wait….

You'll be waiting anywhere from six months to three years depending on the amount in your subject. If you do decide to use this method, I recommend obtaining more than one subject. Also, it's boring.

So bring a paddle ball or a ninja game-boy.

Anyway, those are my methods for extracting L.C!

I'm sure if you're not an idiot then you'll come up with more, feel free to add them in, I wouldn't mind reading it.

I lay the scroll down, finished for the moment, picking up my now empty cup of tea and heading back into the kitchen to place it into the sink. The soup has finished cooking so I remove the pot, emptying the contents into a large ceramic bowl before placing it into the refrigerator to chill. I still had an hour before Anko would return home so I check and find that the lemonade has cooled quite nicely. It would take at least forty-five minutes for the soup to chill properly, and fifteen to prepare a tray of sandwiches. I decide to make the sandwiches now, spreading a generous amount of cream cheese onto each slice of bread, using with four cucumber slices per sandwich with light amounts of salt and pepper before cutting them into triangles and arranging them neatly on the tray, placing it in the refrigerator as well.

Thirty minutes until Anko returned, I would take a short walk and return in fifteen, just in time to serve lunch. She was always punctual and I hated making her wait.

* * *

A/N: This is just a little insight into Living Chakra, feel free to expand upon it if you wish or use it in your own stories, just credit me. I'd love to see different takes on this. LITM will have a new chapter within the next week or so. The next interlude will be a ways off since I have not introduced Dead Chakra into the story fully as of yet.


	14. Who Are You Afraid Of?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: So...to all of you who enjoyed the last chapter, thank you. To all of you that hated it, oh well. And to those of you with vomit-ruined keyboards, I apologize...not! Haha, no but seriously, if you have a weak stomach, this is just something you shouldn't be reading. Sorry. On another note, some of Naruto's experiments take place "off-camera", i.e: I just don't bother to add it in and the general premise and outcome is mentioned later. Such as in the case of Noriko. Also, I'll be attempting to add a bit more depth to my characters, they do seem a bit shallow don't they? Thus, this chapter will take a slight break in the bloodshed of the previous by a bit and we may see some of Anko's (admittedly futile) efforts to save Naruto.

A/N 2: Yes I know, a second A/N? Anyway, a reviewer pointed out to me that I made an error in the last chapter as far as the water temperature goes. You know, with the three thousand degrees Farenheit? Water would turn to steam. Bleh. So, since I've never been one to change things, I apologize for the mistake. Just making sure to address it properly. Thanks. And to Dracco, I applaud you. You've seen what I was going to do before these next few chapters even came out. Good foresight my friend. P.S: Another reviewer pointed out to me that the Demon Bros. aren't from Ame (totally got the two villages mixed up). I did know they were C-class, made 'em B's for the purpose of the story. Thanks again.

**WARNING: See beginning A/N: chapter before last. I really hate repeating myself.**

Fear

Is

A

Drug

But

So

Is

Adrenaline

_Knaji_

:::

**Chapter Thirteen: Who Are You Afraid Of?**

::Anko's Apartment::

Anko was still rife with fear and distrust for me. She hid it well, I will give her that compliment, but the sour stench lingered about her as if she had been sprayed by a skunk. She watched herself around me, almost like a frightened canine that had been abused one too many times. I had ceased my experiments (on the villagers anyway), for now, until I could find a suitable way to circumvent or disable Sarutobi's ability to view my actions in his crystal ball. I cared for him, as much as I could, and hated to have him afraid of me.

That was not my intention.

However, he would not allow himself see that my experiments would be for the better.

He refused to see that Living Chakra would be so very useful. It could be turned into Dead Chakra, which could then be used to animate the dead. Of course, just judging by the name one could discern the uses. Naturally, the dead can't be killed again, and the Dead Chakra would hold them together indefinitely, even allowing them to reform when dismembered and move in an unnatural yet quick way that would spike fear into the weak-hearted. Such...such an interesting concept that I had yet to try out fully.

Enslavement of these putrid humans would be simple with an undead army at my control.

I would have to make him see the benefits of the two chakras.

I would need to show him Dai in all his glory. And to do that...would require a great deal of preparation...

But I digress, I needed my wits about me, not daydreaming over more potential research.

We, that is my teammates and I, had something important to do today.

The Chunin Exams were starting.

:::

Perhaps I had been a bit hasty in listening to my tenant and giving Karasu his new arm. I would have been quite delighted to see how the child would have fared against this green clad monstrosity that calls himself a taijutsu master without it. It hurt my eyes to look at him, truly it did, but look I did. The energy within him was that bright, that painful, and the diluted DNA now present in my synthetically modified eyes simply exacerbated the pain. However, I bore it; gazed upon his form with all the intensity of my scientific mind, and analyzed him thoroughly.

I had no doubt in my mind that no one, save myself and the one that made him as such, truly knew what the boy was in truth.

Exactly _why_ he was unable to use chakra.

Naturally, I had to wonder exactly how long he had been like that.

Oh, how I _itched_, no, how I **ached** to get my hands on him.

However, patience is a virtue.

And when it came down to things I wanted, I had that virtue in spades.

:::

I was slightly put-off by the boy called Kabuto. He was fake. Utterly and completely fake. It was...annoying to say the least.

"I want information on Uzumaki Naruto and Subaku No Gaara." I hear Sasuke ask the other man. My tenant growls at the mention of the Suna native, who we could see standing in a far corner of the examination room with his teammates. According to Syujin he held a tenant as well, the Ichibi. I was not the least bit frightened. He was a child.

A mentally unstable one at that, who, according to the beetle, was very good at using his sand to evade death.

I would take him as well, in order to complete my deal with Syujin. It would be quite the trial to convert the boy into an emaciated puppet construct like my sensei. One would also have need of finding a way to circumvent the almost instantaneous healing factor of the Ichibi. It wouldn't be fun at all to make an incision only to have it close before the skin splits, now would it?

"Hm...why you would need to look up information on your teammate is beyond me, but let's see...Uzumaki Naruto-hey!" I snatch the card from the beetle's hands, perusing it at my leisure.

"There is nothing here that you do not already know about me, Karasu-san." I proceed to reel off the majority of my known skills. "Ha, it even describes my attitude. Apparently I am a 'cold, unfeeling bastard who only uses his teammates and sensei as a means to an end'. Well that's not very nice."

I had let a bit of a mocking note enter my voice.

It was irritating that this mere card, or rather, its owner, had me pegged so well.

"That wounds me, Kabuto-san. I enjoy the time spent with my teammates, I gladly attend to any wounds they may sustain and happily volunteer to correct their forms in our sparring sessions."

I let a twisted form of a grin cross my features as I continue to read. Hm, it seems he even had information on things he should not be privy to.

Easily remedied with the right sequence of poisoned chakra.

"Here you are, Kabuto-san." I return his card to him, brushing my fingers purposely over his own and letting a few sparks of my tenant's chakra free. "I apologize for my abruptness. Might I ask you for some information on the newcomers with the music note? I have never seen them before..."

**Sakura**

I found myself nodding unconsciously as Naruto read off of the card he'd plucked from Kabuto-san's fingers. Everything that had been said about my creepy teammate's attitude and skills were true. Though I didn't miss the brief flash of irritation on his face before he grinned and handed the card back to the dung beetle.

No, no, that was rude. I meant Kabuto-san. I don't know why I called him that.

I also don't know why I get the feeling that something bad would be happening to him very soon.

I mean, it wasn't like he hadn't just been punched in the stomach and vomited all over the exam room floor, ew, but I felt like something else bad was gonna happen. Like, he was gonna die or something. And I didn't get this feeling until Naruto'd gave his card back to him with that sadistic, creepy smile.

He was talking to a member of the music note-Sound, I mean- village now. Or threatening. It definitely looked more like he was threatening them and vice versa. He had that bored look on his face, like when he had cut the heads off those Chunin during our mission to Wave. Granted, beheading enemies was tedious work, and having to freeze the brain tissue in cryogenic stasis was even more tedious because one had to keep adjusting the temperature so that the entirety of the grey matter would not freezer burn-wait what?

I shouldn't know something like that, that would be like knowing how to make medicine or do one of his weird experiments, or...or...the intracacies of Sasuke's arm-

_-drill out the marrow of the newly severed bone first so that the metal socket will fit properly. Make sure that the hole is approximately three and a quarter of an inch, no more, no less, lest the socket loosen. Lubricate the hole thoroughly with the silicone agents; inscribe the seal onto the socket to reduce wear and use the removed marrow as a buffer so that it will bind with the agents. It will replicate itself to the body as a 'whole' bone. Hence, eliminating rejection completely-_

Oh Kami, what's happening to me?

:::

I could not help watching in undisguised delight as a look of slight horror goes across Momoiro's face before being covered by one of shock. Hm, seems that the seal's imprinting was almost complete, a few more days until it would be 'done', in a sense, which was good.

She was not the only one I had imprinted upon mind you, but she 'was' the weakest-willed of the number.

I had a feeling I would need her soon.

Her weak mind is already her undoing.

"Alright maggots! No more horseplay, take a number, sit down, and shut up!" shouts the voice of Morino Ibiki, the head of T&I as he poofs into the room. I grab a number, situating myself on the front row number three seat beside the Hyuuga heir as he explains the rules of this part of the exam.

I look over to the timid heir with abject curiosity, immediately dismissing her. She was cannon fodder to me. That, and I had no desire for the political backlash that would occur should I deign her worthy of an experiment. I would settle for capturing branch members and disabling their simple little seals.

I yawn, knowing Karasu and Momoiro are smart enough to understand simple questions like these, thus I answer them quickly before turning over the paper; laying my head down in my arms.

I was a bit tired, so I would let my body rest while I and my tenant worked on a few formulas for Dai's newest body modifications and my new assistant.

**Sasuke**

My arm had started acting up again, it wasn't sprouting feathers or anything like that again, but every few minutes it would start to feel off, like it was disconnecting itself from my body or something. I would lose control for a few seconds or it would light up in a fire of pain and leave me gasping for air.

I knew that my asshole of a teammate had something to do with this, but I was loathe to do anything against him. He scared me, as much as I hated to admit it. He was powerful, he knew it and so did I. He...had control of me. He would probably kill me without another thought if I decided to go against him. He had a temper, though if you didn't know what to look for you'd miss it.

He was the kind of person I wanted to be, to be able to kill Itachi I would need every edge I could get. And being emotionless like him would help, it would help alot. I needed him to show me what to do.

I would make him show me what to do.

He needed to understand that I was superior to him because I was working towards something.

I was an avenger!

:::

Ha, I just had a bit of a naughty thought concerning Karasu's rogue arm. Of course, it was not rogue, not really. I would never allow that. Granted, I was not the one currently in control of said arm, no, I had sealed Dai inside on a whim earlier. What little consciousness was left in him after his encounter with my tenant was apparently very afraid of enclosed spaces now.

Amusing to say the least, which was why I had done it. Karasu did not find it amusing, of course, he had a multitude of other things on his mind according to my tenant.

Pfft, superior to me?

When buffalo fly and start speaking in Russian tongues.

"Alright you little cheating punks! Time for the second exam! Get off your asses and follow me!" a familiar voice states roughly as I start paying attention again. Oh, Anko-san was here. Hm, I had not known she was the proctor for the second exam, how interesting,

I fall in step beside Karasu and Momoiro.

He looks annoyed, as always, but I know what he is really thinking. When he asked, I would acquiecse. If only to see how much I could influence him. I could honestly say that I had little use for him as a person. He was simply one of many means to an end. Granted, that applied to the majority of Konoha with the exception of Sarutobi, Anko, and Konohamaru.

And Konohamaru was only useful because he was my apprentice. I found it amazing what he could retain once I'd released the blocks on his mind. The boy's potential...it was exsquisite.

Momoiro looks worried. Hm, with good reason, though she did not realize it. I did not know if the imprinting would kill her or not. Luckily, I had a replacement just in case I failed and still had need for her as a teammate.

:::

Before I knew it we were in the Forest of Death. Anko had talked to me the entire time she was briefing the others. No, not with actual speech. Foolish that you would think so. We had a way of communicating through hand-gestures and subtle body language like most ninja in the village that spent a lot of time together. Keep in mind that I've been living with her since I was six.

Essentially she told me that she cared for me and to be careful. I replied in kind, telling her that being afraid would get her nowhere. She was a bit shocked, but invited me to dinner after the second exam was finished.

I accepted.

Admittedly her efforts to keep me from 'becoming evil' as my tenant says, are futile, but I will give her that peace of mind. Only because she means enough to me.

:::

Without a doubt I assuredly detest snakes with more vigour than I have ever detested anything before today.

Being eaten, while attempting to take a piss mind you, will do that to a person. Luckily I had my sword, too bad it was a summoned creature.

I would have skewered and eaten it for its transgressions.

I wipe off my sword before setting out.

There were two people that I knew of that could summon snakes.

The latter 'might' survive our upcoming encounter.

_Might._

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1. Null **

**2**. Void

Anaki: I hate school. :(

RC16: Yeah, makes our updates go kerplunk! Right into the toilet.

Anaki: Or makes 'em shorter.

RC16: That too.

Anaki: Not really in the mood for commentary.

RC16: -snores-

RC17: Review peeples.


	15. Skin of A Serpent

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: School's out, so aside from me working my ass off 24/7, updates should pick up somewhat during my free time. I do have a social life you know.

**WARNING: See beginning A/N: chapter before last. I really hate repeating myself.**

Hissing

Fool

I am

Your Death

Do Not

Fear The

**Reaper**

_Knaji_

:::

**Chapter Fourteen: Skin of a Serpent**

::Forest of Death::

Of course, I had already known that my upcoming fight would be a difficult one. I was doing fairly well considering my opponent, and his look of utter shock when he realized that his seal to lock off my access to the power of my tenant did not work was highly amusing.

However, of all the possible outcomes of the battle that I had already ran through my advanced mind.

For all the perceived attacks I could come up with, that deviously underhanded switch with Sakura (as well as the knowledge that Orochimaru possessed the Kusanagi, with the ability to spit it from his _throat _at high speeds) was beyond me.

What I wholeheartedly did not except was for my _own_ head to be relieved of my shoulders instead of the other way around.

Yes, lower bigoted human lifeforms, you've read that correctly.

I, Naruto Uzumaki, have been decapitated.

**Sasuke**

I-I couldn't believe it.

In fact, just watching it happen and thinking about it again makes it seem like a bad movie.

I didn't even register Sakura's cry of "Naruto!" until it had turned into sobbing and her sinking to

the ground to vomit up the ration bar she'd eaten earlier.

The most powerful person on our team, not that he'd ever hear me say it, he was...

He was cut down like a dog.

Now I'd never be able to kill my brother...

"You stupid grass ninja bitch! You fucking killed him!"

I knew what I was doing was literal suicide, but my brain hadn't caught on yet. Instead, I felt my feet carrying me desperately towards the...?woman?, who was currently peeling...off...her face...

I've seen weirder, I thought, as I made to stab the kunai somewhere vital.

She/he/it, stopped me easily, grabbing my arm in a effortless grip as if I were nothing. I certainly felt that way, especially seeing the way my teammate was effortlessly cut down as if _he_ were nothing. I stifled the urge to look over to where I knew he'd fallen, but failed.

His body lay almost flat, the puppet he had summoned crumpled into an oddly-jointed heap a few feet away, and a trail of blood led to his head which lay on its side, the normally sharp blue eyes dull and lifeless.

I still remember the look of shock on his features as the sword shot through his neck, then he'd looked down at it in what I think was disbelief as the grass ninja grabbed the weapon and pulled it out.

Then, while Naruto was still standing there in an almost stunned silence, blood burbling up into his mouth to dribble down his chin, the grass ninja swung the sword right into the side of his neck, cutting it off in one swift movement.

I honestly didn't know how we'd make it out of here alive.

At least until Sakura started screaming.

**Sakura**

"Naruto!"

I think I'm gonna be sick. Naruto...Naruto...even if he was...even if he was an asshole I didn't want him dead...

I knew he had an awful personality, -hic- and I knew -sob- I knew that he -sob hic- looked down on us, but...but that didn't mean...-hic- didn't mean...

"Naruto!" I scream out again as I try to get near him, all that mattered was him. I didn't know why I felt like that but that's all it was. I...I needed to at least close his eyes.

I knew in the background Sasuke was fighting that...that thing, I hoped I didn't get hit trying to get to Naruto. I-I-I didn't want to die...

I manage to get to his body, almost vomiting at the sight, but I keep crawling over to his head to bring it back.

I have to drag myself through his blood, because my legs are so weak I can't stand. I knew my legs would be filthy later on, but...

It feels like its on fire all of a sudden.

I look down, only to open my mouth in an awful scream.

There were seals spiraling up my body, sprouting so many changes in their wake, and I start to flail to get away from the body that's suddenly not mine but they don't stop and the next thing I see...

?

?

Not...Haruno Sakura?

Mo...mo...ir...iro?

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1. Null **

**2**. Void

Anaki: So I am officially unemployed. It really sucks.

RC16: Yeah, not having or making money stinks.

Anaki: But enjoy this chapter, and the cliffhanger. :)

RC16: -yawn-

Anaki: Felt kinda evil today.

RC16: When do you not feel evil?

Anaki: Um...never?

RC16: Exactly.

RC17: Review peeples.


	16. Skin of A Serpent: Stage Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Yes, yes, I know the last chapter was kinda shallow and short but I had to leave ya'll at that cliffhanger. It's been planned like that. Also, I am now re-employed! Yay! Also, I've quit college because I hated it, so I'll be updating a lot more in between looking for full-time work, joy for you all, yay! And, if you're really desperate to know when the next update'll be, check my profile. The most recent news will be on my blog, to which there is a link in aforementioned profile.

Also, to ChronoMitsurugi: This chapter is gonna be long as fuck (without rambling on and on I hope)! Enjoy!

**WARNING: See beginning A/N: chapter before last. I really hate repeating myself.**

Well Then

It Appears

I

Was

Mistaken

You

Were

My Death

However

I Am The

True Immortal

_Knaji_

:::

**Chapter Sixteen: Skin of a Serpent: Stage Two**

::Forest of Death::

**Sasuke**

I watch as Sakura slumps over, crazy murmurs and ear-splitting screams coming from her mouth while her body changes into something that is most decidely _not _female if the anatomy classes I took are right.

It's actually kind of gross watching my female teammate be mutilated like this, especially since where ever the crawling seals on her touched, _her_ body parts burst apart like a bloated piglet sitting out in the scorching sun for one too many days and these new, thicker male appendages took their place.

My opponent had stopped fighting and was watching intently, though I knew if I were to try and attack, that she/he/it would rebuff my attack and more than likely kill me. Likewise I was unable to help Sakura. I was more or less frozen in fear, and I didn't know if whatever was happening to her was because of our opponent or because of something our disturbing deceased teammate did with his blood while he was alive. I hadn't missed the fact that her legs were covered in it, well...they were_ before _they had bust open like a microwaved hamster.

Either way, I had no desire to transform into something or someone else today so helping her was out.

Sorry Sakura. May you rest in peace.

The seals had reached her throat now, her screams dying off into agonized animalistic whimpers, and I wonder if what's happening to her is almost done. It seemed like it at least. I hoped it was. It was reforming her face now, I almost lose it when I saw the familiar whisker marked cheeks as her face popped off like a ruptured balloon.

Leaving a naked Uzumaki Naruto flexing the right and left arms of his new body amidst the ruined form of Haruno Sakura.

I felt disconnected from my body even as I leaned over to retch.

**Naruto**

Well, unfortunately she did not survive the process. I admit I did not think it would be so...messy. Yes,...messy was a sufficient description of what had taken place here. I could still see through her memories what had taken place during the imprinting and rebirth.

Honestly, it was quite entertaining. I would be filing this away in my mind for further examination.

Tenant? Are you there?

It nods in affirmation.

Oh good, I would have hated for that to go horribly awr-

Yes I know I assured you-

Sigh. Well it will work from now on, it is not like I 'wanted' to be decapitated. It is a highly unpleasant process you kn-

Yes, at least we are alive now.

I snap back to reality as my tenant flares its chakra in irritation, growling at the invader to my personal space. Karasu was still heaving up any meals he may have indulged in today, while the soon-to-be-an-experiment snake summoner was suddenly in my face, studying me.

"You are interesting. I would say I regret killing you if not for this little trick. However did you do it I wonder?" he hissed simply in question, making as if to reach forward and grab my chin. I immediately call on the power of my tenant, pushing the chakra into my arms and grabbing the man about the neck, his eyes barely have time to widen in shock as I clench my hands together, snapping it with little effort.

Only to grimace in frustration as I am covered in an explosion of mud from head to toe. A clone.

I hear a hissing laugh next to my ear.

"I am just as hard to kill as you Kyuubi child, ssstay alive for me, you are highly interesting..." he states once more before giving a casual, dismissing glance at Karasu, he then sinks into the ground, his chakra signature finally disappearing.

I sigh, he would be such a pain to deal with later. And I needed to "revive" Momoiro. And clean up. I was filthy.

Luckily for my rapidly thinning patience, I had all of her memories and a suitable subject with which to revitalize her.

"Come along Karasu-san," I utter, standing up and walking over to him. I pat him on the shoulder, and he flinches away.

"W-w-what are you? Why do you have all this power?" he asks, his voice small, if not frightened.

How idiosyncratic I found it that his arrogance had failed him for the moment.

I do not bother to respond as divest my former body of its clothes, scrolls, and useful weapons before lighting it on fire. The smell of burning flesh permeates the air. All of the modifications had transferred over to my new body, thus I had no use for the sack of flesh covered bones that I used to inhabit.

I would need to study the mimeograph seal in more depth. I had no idea that the transfer would be this complete. I had thought that I would have to re-do each and every one of my modifications. That I would lose certain aspects of myself or those of my tenant.

I had perfected a way to cheat death. Wholly and indefinitely.

Of course there were consequences. I knew that now. I would always know. But back then I was foolish, there were still aspects of the idiotic child in me that had not been fully squashed. And I would pay for it years down the line.

However, I digress.

As I destroyed my former self, there was an urge I could not ignore, no matter how odd. I pick up my severed head, heading for the river. Karasu would follow soon, after he came back to his senses.

He arrived just as the large pot of water I had put over the fire begins to boil, I step out of the surprisingly lukewarm river and dry off, paying no heed to my nudity while I attempt to scrub the bloodstains from the collar of my shirt. So irritating. Smelling of blood would attract animals.

Karasu manages to come to a conclusion regarding my 'power' as he put it. He, somewhat wisely in my personal opinion, deigns not to say anything. I assume that he will keep this to himself, if only so as not to be seen as weak.

I don my damp clothing before picking up my former head and beginning to cut the skin and hair away from the skull as carefully as possible, wanting to leave it as intact as I can. I pluck six teeth from the skull before tossing it into the river, perhaps a certain unlucky snake will eat it and choke.

I quickly sew the eyes shut, crushing the eyeballs that had fallen to the ground underfoot, and skewer the lips through with small toothpick like slivers gained from a nearby tree with my knife. The head is tossed into the pot, while I unseal the limp form of the Kiri Oinin.

I do not bother to wake her yet, instead quickly creating a vacuum and inscribing the necessary seals throughout the clearing. Karasu watches me, a curious yet wary expression warring for dominance on his features. No doubt he was wondering what I was doing. He would see soon enough.

I return to the woman's body, using my tenant's chakra to forcefully alter a bit of her DNA for eye color to green and dyeing her hair pink before cutting it short so it would not be such a hindrance, although I admit I was tempted to render her completely bald. Yes, it turns out that Momoiro was in fact a natural brunette, how quaint. I carefully break a few of the bones of her face, shaping and healing it to look like that of my deceased teammate, before stepping back to look at my progress. Her breasts were a mite too large to be those of Momoiro's, but it was such a minor detail that I did not think anyone would truly notice. As for the rest of the woman, she was a bit taller but that could be explained away as well as shortening her bones would be detrimental to the changes I had planned in the long run. Nevermind the fact that she would remain short, and it would begin to look supsicious that an adolescent had not grown an inch in several years.

Although I admit, if I felt like it, I could alter her further with Living Chakra. However, I had plans for what I had with me.

I reach over to the prone form, burning away a mole that resides on the former Oinin's face before smiling to myself.

This truly looked like Momoiro.

My genius knows no bounds.

I do a quick memory transfer, utilizing a little known jutsu that destroyed the mind and rebuilt it to the user's specifications. I push out all of the Oinin's knowledge with the exception of that of her bloodline (which I am unfortunately forced to "lock down" until I can have this new Momoiro "killed" on a dangerous mission) and any other useful shinobi things she may know, before replacing it with all of Momoiro's memories. Childhood, shinobi lifestyle, etc. It was all very boring and I was quite delighted to remove it from my psyche.

I wake her up, watching as she bursts into tears as what had taken place not two hours, fifty-seven minutes, and eight...no, nine seconds prior springs forth in her mind. I truly did not care about her feelings to be honest, there were already numerous measures in place to assure that she nor Karasu could tell anyone.

"Do be silent Momoiro-san, you _are_ hurting my ears you know?"

I ignore her shocked look as I go to fish the head from the pot of water, tossing some rocks into the fire to heat up.

Next in line was the Ichibi's container.

How fun.

::::

**Sakura**

I didn't know how I was alive.

He had eaten at my body like a parasite, burning through everything that was me and taking over.

I remember my head popping open as if it were a watermelon thrown to the ground and then suddenly I was seeing the world through his eyes and I was him and no one else.

And then I was me again, almost.

I felt strange. My balance was terrible and I felt too big for my body, I kept tripping over everything and everything was shorter than it was a few hours ago.

I look over to my creepy teammate as he finishes what looks to be a necklace of teeth with a small human head in the center and shiver.

...The head's hair was the same color as his.

Freaky.

He graces me with a smile that would seem kind on anyone else's face.

On him it just looks psychotic.

"Something the matter...Momoiro-san?"

Yes, very the matter, you did something to my body. You used me for your own gain and I thought I was dead, was you, was...was...I don't know.

But of course I can't tell him that. What if he killed me? Or used me for one of these experiments he talks about? Oh Kami-sama, what if that lady-puppet of his used to be a person? I don't want to be a puppet...

"N-no, everything's f-fin-AAAGH!"

I flail wildy, tripping over another tree branch, and brace myself for a meeting with the ground...only to have Sasuke catch me.

I resist the urge to blush as he sets me to rights without another word. This was the first time he'd touched me voluntarily outside of a spar. I watch him glare at Naruto as his grin widens.

Sigh.

I knew he cared.

:::

**Sasuke**

I've decided I don't want to learn anything my freak of a teammate has to teach me.

Not anymore.

He was too insane, too self-serving for me to want to learn anything from him.

He didn't care about us, I don't think he cared about anyone except that purple-haired woman, and I only say that because I saw him smile around her. A real smile, at least, it seemed to be real. You can never tell with Naruto.

I knew if I kept antagonizing him, bothering him, that I could end up like Sakura.

I allow myself to glance her way, remembering who she really was just a few hours before.

The Mist Oinin that we had fought during the Wave mission, Naruto had planned this since then, he must have. There was no other way.

He had been planning to kill Sakura since the Wave mission, and no one knew it.

Actually, now that I think about it, Sakura and I still don't know how Kakashi-sensei ended up hospitalized. We just know he got beaten very badly in a spar. I know that every time sensei's name is mentioned, a fleeting smirk goes across Naruto's face as if he had something to do with it.

Though, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he did.

I look over, watching as his eyes glaze over again, like they always do.

I needed to stay away from him.

He was dangerous. Even more dangerous than that woman-thing we just fought.

Shit, coming back from the dead?

Insane.

:::

Karasu looked...wary, yes, that's the word. He also stunk of fear, I wonder if he was shaken from the events of earlier.

Hm, more than likely, oh well, he'll live.

I had more important things on my plate at this time, no time to deal with a foolish little boy vying for vengeance.

It was laughable really.

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1. Null **

**2**. Void

Anaki: Got a new job!

RC16: That was quick.

Anaki: Not quick enough.

RC16: Yeah but at least you found something so quit bitching.

Anaki: Blah blah blah blah blah...

RC16: Ugh, shut up.

Anaki: ...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

RC16: Shut up! -throws a frog in your mouth-

Anaki: -eats it- Mmm, tastes like a ribbity chicken.

RC16: Gross dudette.

RC17: Very. -turns green- Ew...Please review darlings...while I go vomit


	17. Skin of A Serpent: Stage Three

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Lies I Told Myself**

**Key**

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

_thinking_

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

**POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)**

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Okay, first off Happy New Year, V-day, whatever. It's January at the start of my typing this, but knowing me (and the way that this Naruto thinks) y'all won't get the actual finished product until May lmao. Bear with me, real life gets in the way and getting into the mindset of my psychotic sociopathic Naruto can be difficult at the best of times. As for Naruto's goals? All I can say is he has some,

much like Canon Naruto, but significantly darker and selfish much like he is. And the poems at the beginning of the chapter aren't just for kicks.

Damned Child

I Will

Possess

You

I

Will

Devour

You

_Knaji_

:::

**Chapter Seventeen: Skin of a Serpent: Stage Three**

::Forest of Death::

It was quickly approaching nightfall, mind you I was not the least bit tired, the excess Living Chakra coursing through my veins provided me with the energy of a small sun. Of course, add the chakra of my tenant to that mix and you have a being able to function at their peak for days or even years on end with no need for rest.

I watch Momoiro stumble once, twice, and finally a third time with no small amount of amusement. I would have to keep an eye on her, the mind destroying technique I used has a potential to go awry.

And, as foolish and almost completely detrimental to my continued mental health as she is, I've no use for her as an actual vegetable.

Well...perhaps I could make her into a particularly deadly puppet...

Or even another body for Dai...

No, he's too simple to know what to do with the powers that Momoiro currently has.

Perhaps...

Ah, I just had an epiphany. And the work involved would see one of my problems solved completely.

I need notes, detailed notes, where are my blank scrolls?

**Sakura**

I hear Naruto snicker from his position behind me and Sasuke before he begins to mutter to himself.

"...tongue...replace...salamander properties...drill...poison..."

I shiver, why did we have to get the crazy, mentally unstable teammate?

"Mental instability is the sign of a weak, infirm, and uninitiated mind, which I can most decidedly assure you, Momoiro-san, that my mind is neither of the three." states an amused monotone from my left.

Crap I must've spoken aloud.

"That you did, are you feeling quite alright Momoiro-san? Shall I examine you for poisons or delirium?" He speaks again, and I feel a freezing hand on my forehead that rests there for all of five seconds before I pull away violently.

He was colder than a corpse.

"Don't touch me!"

I glower at him as he shrugs with a mild look of annoyance passing over his features before settling back into indifference, going back to his writing and murmuring.

I shiver again.

I really _wasn't_ feeling too well. My head ached something fierce and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment.

But he didn't need to know that, only Sasuke-kun mattered to me.

:::

Karasu hustled Momoiro into a shaded area thick with large tree root cover and made her a bed out of moss to lie on. A few hours had passed since my first assertion of her illness, which more than likely was due to the jutsu I had used to suppress and rebuild her memories, and he had begun to motherhen over her since then. A part of me wondered if he was beginning to see what a danger I could be to him, seeing as he had begun to pay more attention to the girl (perhaps in effort to rally her against me when he felt the time was right), and the other part decided that it simply did not care.

I crouch down over Momoiro's prone form, feeling for fever, but finding none. However, her muscles were tense enough to have begun to feel strain, and I had a remedy for that. Ignoring Karasu's glare, I extract a syringe from one of my scrolls, injecting the relaxant into several of her muscles to reduce the tension before standing up once more and stretching.

"I assume, Karasu-san, that you would remain here with Momoiro-san, while I obtain supplies and set traps?"

Karasu continues to glare, but nods warily.

"Wonderful!" I exclaim, a blatant mockery of a smile gracing my lips. "And you need not worry; I have no cause to harm you or our female teammate."

:::

I watch as the Suna Jinchurikki slaughters one of the Ame teams with little remorse, no finesse to his style at all. Nothing at all but crushed bones and a rain of blood, not one bit of technique or effort. Sigh. Efficient yes, but torridly messy.

Hm…it would be significantly easier to catch him here than later where I would be observed. His teammates do not look very imposing at all.

It's settled then.

I unseal Noriko from her scroll, pulsing a bit of Living Chakra through my new shrunken head pendant and feeling it turn necrotic.

I handle this new Dead Chakra carefully, not wanting to overwhelm my system with it for risk of turning myself into kyonshi, and push it into the mask on her face. **1**

The seals light up and Noriko begins to move on her own once more.

The salvaged brain tissue from the two Ame-nin and her own remaining tissue come together to form what was now an undead minion completely at my beck and call.

Excellent.

:::

I send Noriko forward into the den of wolves, watching as she exploits the numerous modifications made to her form with only the slightest thought from myself or my tenant. She twists around the efforts of the puppet user Suna-nin, obliterates the fan of the wind user, and-

Curses.

She is all but crushed by the jinchurikki's sand. It appears I will have need of modifying her further. I make a hand-seal, activating her failsafe and returning her into my scroll lab. She would be fixed later, and I would see to the Suna boy's capture later, I had no desire to engage him in combat now.

Loathe as I was to admit it, I know that I would die again if I engaged him at this point. It was too soon for me to use another of my mimeograph holders. While he lacked finesse, he made up for in having a field advantage. I would need him near a water or easily superheated fire source.

:::

I return to the camp a few hours later, the traps are set, and I have a few dead rabbits with me for nourishment. I sit on a log that Karasu has so thoughtfully placed in front of the fire, and begin to skin them. I set aside the innards in a small clay gourd, covering it, and setting it in the outermost coals of the fire to cook. I would give them to Maki once we vacated this forest.

I finish with the rabbits, staking them over the fire and going to dispose of the subpar furs. Upon my return I duck underneath the large tree roots hiding my teammates and take in the scene before me with mirth.

Momoiro has all but trapped Karasu in her arms in her delirium, using him as a living pillow, and he looks decidedly unhappy about it.

"Well is that not adorable? I suppose I will just leave you two alone, do call me if her fever gets worse will you?" I whisper to him after checking her now stable temperature and breathing, letting a smirk cross my face. "Have a good night, Karasu-san."

I feel his glare follow me out of the enclosure and I am grinning at his reluctance to speak for fear of waking the girl curled against his body.

So amusing.

:::

Tenant?

I believe we have visitors.

No, not the pleasant kind. When are our visitors _ever _pleasant?

…No they don't count, they were assassins.

Well…I guess _I _had fun with them, they didn't make very good experiments though. Too weak.

Yes I'm aware that we are about to be attacked by a troupe of Ame-nin and that there are more.

Sigh…No tenant, they are not worthy of becoming any more than a myriad of bloodstains on the end of my sword.

I scoff in derision at its next comment.

Now tenant, I am many things, but I will never become a cannibal. How uncouth.

**Notes of The Footed Kind**

**1. Kyonshi-**living dead or reanimated dead, living dead in this case. Dead Chakra overwhelms Living Chakra and regular chakra, taints it, if allowed to do so. Thus, Naruto would be in a constant state of decay.

**2**. Void

A/N:Yes, I've lost my two muses unfortunately, but it's alright because I still survive. I know it's short. Just enjoy this one, I don't know when I'll be updating this story again. Also, I've had a lot of you ask exactly what the point of this fic is and that it doesn't seem t be progressing. It is, just keep in mind that you are reading from the narration of Naruto, not me. Were it me, we'd probably be almost done by now, but since it's him things will go slower. Think about how the average person (yourself) thinks, you go over little details in your mind that don't mean shit to anyone else. Well, that's what Naruto is doing. Thanks to those of you that stick with me.

Happy Valentine's Day!


End file.
